The Malignancy of SAAF, Tucson

Southern Arizona AIDS Foundation report

They are at 375 South Euclid Avenue, Tucson – they simply fabricated nonsense.

Particularly a woman named Pat Desson – what a moron – anyway …

There is no numbering system to their pages so I numbered them F-1 through F-53

On F-1 “Mailing Information” has my correct address and the question: “OK to send mail?” and it is stated “No” – and that’s not true. I had no problems with getting mail from SAAF at my house. I would have told them “mail me anything you wish.”

F-3: “Expense” – “tenant rent payment” – they put “$251.30” – I have no idea what this number is or where it comes from or why it is written – it is an imaginary number. My rent was $400 a month.

F-4 “developmental disability” they wrote “yes” – I have no idea what developmental disability they thought I could have – we did not discuss my childhood.

“Mental health issue” – they put “no” – because I don’t.

“has Aspergers 7/17/12 JMB” – no one knows this for sure – I have never been tested for it or discussed it with anyone. In 2002 at the HOP Clinic in New Orleans, Louisiana a Dr. Wetsman (I do not recall his first name, I met him twice) said on my first hour with him “I think you have Aspergers, but I cannot diagnosis you because I do not have the expertise, but I want you to go look it up and if you dismiss it as nothing, then you don’t have it, and if you read it all and it is clarifying, than you do have it. You are going to self-diagnosis, and I will agree to it” (The approximate discussion, not a word for word quote) I read about it for a week – and then went back to him and said it was “clarifying” and he said “you have it” and I never spoke to him again. Yet, not once have I ever been evaluated about it by anyone with any competence in the matter. “JMB” who I am assuming is Johnny Barker, doubtfully had anything but a cursory knowledge of it that perhaps he gleaned from the public press.

“Medicaid” they write “not eligible” – how they concluded this I have no idea, but my income meant I was eligible. Robert Gadsden of UMC had me fill out an 8 page application for it, for as he told me “you have to be denied first and you will be denied” and a week later I had an AHCCCS card in my hand, approved completely – and Mr. Gadsden was truly surprised.

Food stamps status: “not eligible” – my income would seem to indicate that I was eligible, and Ms. Desson wanted to sign me up for them – but did not know how to do that. But I did not ask for food stamps. I was told I was eligible – and not eligible. It was not SAAF nor COPE who finally figured out food stamps – but Michael Castaneda and the woman at 101 South Stone Avenue who brought me to a food bank in south Tucson somewhere, and to the office of a woman whose name I do not recall, who I met once – she was a charming Latina Abuelita type and we had a fine talk, half in Spanish – and it was that lady there in her office at the food bank who did the form online and got me $76 in food stamps.

F-5 – I did not ask, but they gave me some food boxes – on July 23rd and on August 7th – and I never went back to get any again. It was simply food I did not eat, and inconvenient to go get it.

F-6 – CD4 and viral load: 11/29/2011 was the last time it was taken, 9 months previously, hence my desire to get it done quickly – and the T-cells were 454, and my viral load was 20 (or undetectable really.) By the time SAAF and UMC got my blood work again and to a doctor my t-cell count was down to 254 (I do not have the records yet, but I remember it – because I was extremely concerned – “agitated” as they note I was from time to time. A Patty McCracken at the Petersen Clinic, 6OPC, thought it just delightful my count was 254 – she was giddy – and I was angry.

I told SAAF I was off the drugs for months – and to hurry getting me back on – and they couldn’t – they could not figure it out – causing my T-cell count to fall – and this is a major marker for HIV health status. I told them why – my last name and the common screw ups – Mr. Barker writes about it – with an air of disbelief. On the day of my birth, before I was even named, before I was Jim – the record for statistics and feeding spells my name wrong – in the hospital where my mother got her training and was working at when I was born. The 1978 White House and Governor’s letters spell my name wrong. In 1914 on the passenger list of the ship my grandpa came over on – they spelled the name wrong. These are just four official misspellings of my (h)last name – I joke about it – but I am very concerned. For one foul up – and I lose the drugs, health care, who knows what might happen if my name is misspelled? I have countless stories about what happens. I do not expect this to be dismissed as some obsession, or mental issue, or paranoia. It is real – and I can prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Not a year has gone by in my (h)life without it happening.

F-7 – a form dated 7/12/2012 – which is my first visit there – the form is unsigned, and nothing is filled in except my sister’s name and address for emergency contact – so obviously I thought I was in touch with my sister and she would do something if required.

F-11 a box is checked: “Accessing HIV specialty care; has HIV Medical coverage but not general medical; not following treatment protocol.” – yes, I was off the drugs – but not because I wasn’t following the treatment – it was because I could not get the drugs – the system simply would not give them to me. I do not fit their boxes. Their boxes puts the onus on me – I “was not following treatment protocols” implies that I wouldn’t take the drugs. And I begged for them – I pleaded – I said “hurry” – repeatedly – and they went like sloths, and did things wrong, and were confused and didn’t know what to do – it was they who denied me the drugs to take – it was not me having trouble “following treatment protocols.” On the other hand, I have “general medical” because I have Medicare – because I worked for 40 years.

It is noted “…client is anxious to get back on his meds as he has been off his meds for a few moths – client’s adherence level is also unknown at this time.” And that’s the thing – I stated clearly I was desperate to get back on the drugs and that the system was not providing them to me. My adherence is 100% – if I can get the meds – and it’s zero if I can’t – and they couldn’t get me the drugs. “Client has first appointment with UMC on August 10th, it is not known which doctor he will be seeing …” – they simply didn’t know if I even had a doctor to see at all – and in their own directions to me on how to follow along with their program – it is stated “client should know who his doctor is” – and they didn’t know who my doctor was – and have the audacity to put the onus on me, to blame me for lack of knowledge they could not and would not provide.

On the reverse of F-11 “Income” they checked off “can meet basic needs with subsidy or other resources, appropriate spending.” I did not ask for nor need any help from these people – who could have no idea of my spending and living habits. I have never sought subsidies from any program. I never asked for rent help, food help, energy help, transportation help – nothing – I asked for nothing because of 2 main reasons. 1) I did not need the help 2) I do not want to deal with bureaucracies. I find them all insufferable and do my utmost to stay away from them.

“Shelter” – they put “transitional, substandard, rent unaffordable” – and this is simply not true, but explaining to these people the way I travel and live was just irrelevant – it was none of their business really – I had no need nor desire to explain to people I just met how I lived for 40 years – the only thing they had to do was get me the drugs – and they could not.

“Food” – they checked the box “can meet basic food needs but requires occasional assistance.” It’s not true – I didn’t need, require, nor ask for any assistance with food, cooking or purchasing. I never even brought it up. They just simply assumed it – probably based on their mistake about “shelter.” They insisted I take their food box, and their hygiene stuff and I was gracious and said thank you and was “now what do I do with this stuff I don’t want and don’t need?” Both times I received these items were on days I met them on other matters – like trying to get the drugs. Twice I got their food boxes – and ignored it for the rest of my dealings with them.

“Transportation” – they checked off the box that said “no access to transportation, public or private, may have car that is inoperable.” This is just a fantasy, a falsehood. First, my friend Paul Miller had a car and we got together every week for lunch and stuff – and he drove me around looking for apartments in the first few days I was in town. Second, the Hostel is 4 blocks from the main Ronstadt Bus Terminal in downtown Tucson, with access to virtually every bus line in the city. And third, the apartment I got was on three bus lines – Wilmot, Broadway and 5th Avenue – all of which had a stop at the entrance to my apartment complex, on both sides of the street. I was able to get anywhere I wished. I paid for my own transit and did not ask anyone for any help. They gave me some bus passes, which I did not ask for, and again, graciously I said yes and went about my life trying to avoid these people.

More ironic – SAAF’s offices are not on a bus line – their offices are one half mile from the nearest bus stop – for an agency which is helping people usually at the poverty level – to not be on a bus line – and the nearest stop is one half mile away is just abominable. It is nonsensical. People with walkers, wheel chairs, canes, aches and pains, weakness from a debilitating disease – are made to walk one half mile from a bus stop to their office. The audacity of them saying I had no access to transportation is stunning.

“may have car that is inoperable,” is just a 100% fantasy. Where this comes from is their own minds – they are delusional, frankly. I hadn’t owned a car since 2003. For three years from 2009 to 2011 I drove a new Kia for the friend I was tending in Baton Rouge – it was his car.

“Mental Health” – they checked off the box “mild symptoms may be present but are transient, only moderate difficulty in functioning due to mental health problems.” I have no such difficulty – I have a problem with bureaucrats who can’t get things done and don’t know what they are doing. Ms. Desson was an idiot, pure and simple. I was made to talk to a woman who knew nothing – and she got to label me the difficult one because of her incompetency, coupled with her vaunted sense of importance. But more to the point, it had to be impossible from mere form signing sessions with intake people for them to conclude I had any difficulties of any kind. Then they state I have Aspergers, which no one knows if I do or don’t – and then they state “client is actually quite pleasant to speak with as long as patience is exercised” – yes, get things right, and get me the drugs – and they couldn’t and they didn’t – so I got impatient.

More amazing – but not in the record – is this woman wrote up a “life plan” for me – that’s what she called it – she handed it to me as a done deal. She was going to run my life, get it back together, for she thought it broken. She was going to get me into a halfway house, a group home, get me on the road to recovery, she said. She was going to do this and that – and I looked at this abominable document and was infuriated. This woman didn’t know me – I barely spoke with her. And she imagined things. Then told me what I was going to do by her lights. And I told her she was out of her mind. I ripped it up and threw it on her desk and walked out. I was mad as hell. This woman was a moron, plain and simple. The rest of her comments about me in their report is her exonerating herself and accusing me of all sorts of things. And I was fed up with her almost from day one.

She brings up that she called the “ED” of HAART in Baton Rouge. I’m assuming this is “Executive Director” – she did call him – at my insistence. But he’s not just the director of a major AIDS organization, for who I built their first website – he’s a personal friend of mine. I gave Ms. Desson his direct cellphone number. She was hesitant to call him. I said “go ahead, he’s my friend.” I wasn’t some “client” to him – I hung out with him at his home and in the bars.

F-12 question 14, “Life skills” a box is checked off: “can meet most but not all daily living needs without assistance” – this is absurd. I never had an issue with meeting my daily living needs. It is not stated what assistance they thought I needed. Not did anyone ever ask me what I might need. Nor did anyone from SAAF ever come to my house to see what I might need. Nor did any of them speak to me beyond being wrong about whatever they told me the previous time. This is just fantasy.

On the reverse of F-12, item 15 “Support System” – they checked the box “Lack of necessary support from family and friends, abuse (DV, child) is present or there is child neglect.”

This is just absurd. I was never abused as a child, or neglected – this is just sheer imagination on their part. Moreover – my entire extended family never had a negative word to me about being gay – and welcomed my boyfriends to family gatherings with “So, you’re Jimmy’s friend, want a cheeseburger?” I had a charming childhood. Though, we didn’t even discuss my childhood. As for “family support” – my father expressed mailed to me the extra money I needed for the deposit while I was still at the Roadrunner. I found out what money amount I needed, I called dad, who was awaiting the call, he got a Post Office money order, and expressed mailed it to me, and I got it the next day. My father and I act – we get things done. I was in constant touch with my family as I have always been. My sister knew where I was as she always does – she was transferring some money I had inherited from my mom, that she kept in investments, to my bank account so I could get things done. I had a phone, provided for by my sister, and I had internet access – I was in touch with my family and friends at every step of the way. These people simply created a falsehood.

item 16 “community involvement, self-determination” – they checked off “crisis situation, survival mode” – I was in no crisis – I wasn’t in any “survival mode” – I am very self-determined – and I was getting things done as I always did – in a sure but steady, calm, rational, reasonable, normal way. I wasn’t in the least bit worried, nor did I – I couldn’t have – expressed one shred of concern about what I was doing. Within days of arriving in Tucson I went to every gay bar in the city, all 5 of them – to find out which one I liked. At the Venture Inn I met guys like me – and one of them brought me in his vehicle to get the table and chair that I could not get home by myself.

Within 5 days I had an apartment and moved in. I didn’t have anyone help me do it.

Days after I arrived in Tucson I took on the Tucson Observer, the local gay newspaper, on my blog – and I told them I did it – because their economics was all wrong – and they published their rebuttal to me in their pages. Let us say I made a splash in the gay community from day one. I made friends with Hennessey and David who lived next door to me – and we saw each other near daily for the next 13 months – until they finally took me to the Tufesa bus station to get out of Tucson.

Plus I was seeing Paul Miller weekly – and I was sometimes meeting a guy named Howie who worked at the hostel – he was a fellow New Yorker – so we connected.

Item 18 – “risk behavior” – they checked off “engages, practices harm reduction behaviors consistently” – this is just insane, really – what harm did they think I needed to reduce? What behaviors did this intake specialist possibly think I was doing? I never brought up anything – I was “get me the drugs” – and then I ignored them. I was leading the life I always led.

Then they note “client states when he is sexually active, he practices hard reduction consistently.” – I never talked about my sex life – because I wasn’t having one. I haven’t had a sex life since the late 1990s. Michael Castaneda wondered about my sex life – “are you getting nookie?” he asked. “No,” I replied, “I have a fungus growing on me and I can’t get to a doctor to get the drugs I need.” Then we’d laugh, and I’d go for another week or month without the drugs.

F-13 – they checked off “moderate need” of something with a score of 2.5 to 3.749 – and then “HIV Specialty Care, Income, Housing, Mental Health, Substance Abuse” – they checked the box “Yes” – what needs they thought I had I have no idea – or what issues – but I didn’t have any issues or problems or needs – and I certainly wanted nothing from these people but the pills – and they couldn’t provide them. I had no income, housing, mental health or substance issues whatsoever. I had a “I can’t get the AIDS Drugs You All Insist I Should Be Taking” issue – which they ignored.

This form is not signed by anyone.

F-14 – done on 7/16/2012 – Johnny Barker did an intake and wrote up a description of me – and stated I have Aspergers which makes life difficult for me and – well, it doesn’t. What difficulties he thought I had I do not know, but they are imaginary. He points out what is true – the systems I get involved in constantly screw up my last name – it happens repeatedly throughout my life. I am very leery of it, and I have to constantly point out to people to make sure the name stays right.

And then it just decays. I said “hurry” and they took their sweet time and got so much wrong it was incredible. But all of it is written as if I am the culpable party – and they are diligent and innocent civil servants. Instead, they were incompetent fools imagining things about my life while being incapable of providing me the drugs. After a month or two of them I was simply “you idiots, get away from me.”

They also sent me to Michael Castaneda – who ran a drug rehab program. This is not mentioned in their report – there is no referral or why I might have been sent to such a person. In Mr. Castaneda’s office, in our first meeting, within 10 or 15 minutes I figured out he was talking about drug rehab and I asked him why he was. He told me SAAF told him I was a meth head. Somewhere there must be a referral – a form – a statement – of why I was sent to Mr. Castaneda.

It was Michael Castaneda who figured out the AIDS drugs finally – because he knew this woman Shannon. And he is the one who every month had to make a special call – because every month it was different. What I was covered by, what a copay might be, when I could get them all together – every month was different.

Neither SAAF nor UMC could do a thing.

Though – if there is one thing that is true – I did express my displeasure heatedly to these people – oh, I waited a long time with great patience and fortitude as they bumbled with idiocy. I went along with the flow until no reasonable man would put up with it. There comes a time when arrogance and incompetence must be forthrightly addressed. And I did. Not so oddly, I did so poetically – and it utterly confounded them. They note in their reports that they all had discussions about a poetic email I sent them expressing my displeasure. Such a danger to society and myself I supposedly am – I write poetically – and so obtuse and obnoxious and moronic are these people – they were confounded. A poem simply disrupted their existence. Amazing, yes? I include in my supporting documents one I sent to Michael, Shannon and Heidi – this too – this charming writing – simply flummoxed these people.


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