So what Gays aren’t Christians?

So, Jason Collins says he’s gay, the world is agog because there’s another one of us – this time a major team sports guy. They’ve been coming out for years … usually after their careers. The idea that this is some milestone is absurd. The man is already at the end of his career. Plus – apparently – he’s had a girlfriend for 8 years. Plus – apparently – he was either on the down low (aka, cheating) or in an open relationship – or he’s “bisexual” or something. Who knows? Who cares?

In a way Rush Limbaugh is right – it’s “being shoved down our throats” – but Limbaugh is very wrong for why it is. Gay guys are apparently America’s new political toy – used by left and right to avoid the real problems. And what a fine distraction from the rest of the mess as caused by heterosexuals. After all, we’re not part of the over extended social welfare state – we just pay the taxes. No programs for us, after all. Collins just boosts our average, if we want to count him in our taxpaying tally.

 But one thing that made the kaboon was Christ Broussard’s comments. He’s the ESPN sportscaster who took it upon himself to say rather publicly that Mr. Collins isn’t a Christian. Then the Rush’s of this world rushed to defend Christianity as if it was in dire threat. And the first thing I thought was:

 So what if Mr. Collins isn’t a Christian of the exact sort that Mr. Broussard likes?

 Who is a sportscaster to determine who and who shall not be called a Christian?

 And, where in our government structure, in our nation’s founding documents, does it say anyone must be a Christian of the sort Mr. Broussard likes? I can’t find a blessed word that says American citizens must be this sort of Christian and no other. I didn’t see a theologian ever defer to Mr. Broussard the definition of “Christian.”

 And too Mr. Broussard stated the obvious – which everyone knows – some Christians believe gay men are sinners and just can’t be Christians. This is news?

 He adds that Mr. Collins is sick and ill and in need of treatment and cure. Again, not news. It is oft said by many Christians of Mr. Broussard’s sort that gayness is both a medical condition of some kind and a free will and choice sin. Well, sorry, you can’t have it both ways. Are we made and somehow sent astray – as all the many theories postulate? Or do we just wake up in the AM and decide to magically turn off our inner heterosexual? No one is clear. There’s not a heterosexual clear on the mechanisms of our gayness. They just want it gone – or at least well noted that you can’t be a Christian if one is gay. So be it, we’re not Christians. And this means …? Well, they don’t say, other than to make sure everyone knows what Christians think about gay men.

 What’s news is that there’s so many nuances to the basic idea that it takes a book to sort them out – I’m working on it now. What’s news is the amazing surety which every heterosexual uses to speak about the thing every other heterosexual is also equally sure – even if they are at direct odds.

 Meanwhile, whether Collins is or isn’t smooching men between his busy job and his girlfriend, what difference does it make? That he’s not a Christian? There are already open Muslims in sports, and probably a few Jews – and so now there is a “pagan” or “non-religious” person of some amorphous definition. So what?

 The president, desperate to turn away from focusing on the economy and the governance has quickly evolved to welcome gay men – and pose himself as our leader and savior. Well, when the economy cranks, gay men will be just as shocked and miffed as the rest of everyone. The president I don’t like, I’ve made it clear. I think the gay discussion is silly: “oh my, sissies!” Like it’s so new, so weird. Oh, I suppose us asking for a shred of decency is odd.

 But this asking for decency actually involves not hearing again from sundry heterosexuals that we’re not Christians, and that we don’t conform to your views of what mankind should be, and that we’re not what you like walking around. For we do walk around. And there’s nothing in the American ideal that says one group of citizens should be hounded for the good of the rest.

 Meanwhile, if gay men are mentally ill as Mr. Broussard avers, it’s the strangest darn illness ever to surface – for it requires such a plethora of outside sources in a odd circles that it makes Ptolemy blush at the complexity. We need a predisposition, and a strong, weak, absent or something father, and such a mother, and a gay uncle, and our birth order is important, and then we need some guy lurking down the block and other environmental and nurturing factors and then we choose.

 It’s so blockheaded – this melange of theories which makes gay men mentally ill that I’d rather wish you’d clear it up first – rather than keep blathering on about what you think, or think you know. No one has a clue. You all admit it.

 And yet, well, we’re the flavor of the moment. It’s like living in a hurricane of words. The next gay person who is found, and the next, the next, each instance will have the same ingredients. It’s de rigueur. Why, even Doctor Ruth chimed in to say “it’s sad” because “it’s a private matter.” Which is hysterical for heterosexuals are quite open about your sexuality. You’re like a bunch of bonobos for heaven’s sake. I can’t open a browser window without being assaulted by screaming flaunting heterosexuals in some pushing of your sexuality. Why, there’s nothing private about it – you have billboards for gentleman’s clubs in Baptist cities – are you people blind?

 Yes, Ruth, Broussard, the President, most everyone, Collins too – are blind to the silliness of the whole discussion. A sissy is found and the world agog – and no one can find the reason the deficit has gone nuts because of heterosexuals marauding through society.

 I find it hysterically funny to ever think that sissy smooching could be this important that it requires everyone and their mother to chime in about what it means to heterosexuals that a sissy exists. Yeesh, no wonder the country is a mess. Grow up people.

 And you don’t have to keep saying “Gay men can’t be Christians.” We get it – we understand this – we are well aware of all the Bible verses. We know the Book better than heterosexuals that’s for sure, we get it quoted to us frequently. So what we don’t join your church?

 Where in America does it say I or Collins or any of us gay men have to be a member of your church? And you can’t even agree on which one – should I be made a Catholic and live in self-flagellating negation and penitent prayer for having had the temerity to be born with a predisposition – as they claim exists. Or am I do simply pray away the gay in a Protestant denomination and find a woman? The demands are murky, and indeed, just absurd.

 Other than that, I suppose now, over the rest of the Obama term we’ll have to have a brouhaha over every single new sissy found anywhere. They’ll be looking under the rocks for us in desperation for a story to avoid the real problems of heterosexuals in this nation once we all come out. Thank heaven’s there’s only maybe 8 million of us. But really, so what if we’re not your type of Christian? It’s allowed. It’s America.  

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