The multifaceted gay debate

I’ve been busy with life. I don’t get paid to do this, so it’s low priority. It’s a beautiful Saturday morning to think a little about recent times.

But as I read a bunch, and write a bunch, and watch the nation consumed over gay men – and it’s all about us gay guys – who is anyone kidding? And what to do with us – I keep noticing a huge disconnect. There’s the metaphysical “Homosexual” – he does something or other. There are many theories, ideas, solid conclusions. He’s not a nice guy, I hear.

Then there’s the scientific “homosexuality” – no one knows where it comes from or why. There are many theories.

Then there’s gay men living lives. We are peaceful productive guys who well, just live nice lives. American dreamish, if you ask me. Nice jobs, houses, cars, good works, fun times, disposable income, self-supporting decent folks who help their moms. Indeed, gay men seem to be very family friendly, as opposed to the anti-family homosexual.

Then there’s the sissy factor. Undeniable, the word in every language. The concept clear. Not a person alive can’t define a sissy. Oddly, most sissies are gay men, or homosexuals, and have homosexuality (since we seem to get it, it must be had, yes?) and most gay men, homosexuals and homosexuality are sissies. It’s a weird connection – but, being a stereotype in our politically correct times, it’s not allowed to be pointed out. Well, the hell with that idea. Sissy smoochers are just too cute to really worry about, yes? Much better than a homosexual activist, I assure you.

Then there’s the LGBT community – which is no such thing at all. But are four disparate people that the public views three of them with a far more benign perspective. Lesbians are almost popular – why, Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt made millions off of them. Ellen, for heaven’s sake. Oh, to be sure Lesbians have their problems – but I rarely hear demands for them to change – only that any given man is more than willing to jump to the task. I see no women lined up to take on the challenge of heterosexualizing a gay man, that’s for sure.

Then there’s bisexuals. Well, there aren’t, really. Not to my mind. I don’t care what anyone says. Yes, there are men who have had sex with men, as it’s called in many places. There have always been men who have dabbled with other men – but that’s situational, or “hey, I’ll try it once.” – not a one of these men think of themselves as gay or “bisexual.” Any that I met who claimed they were were soon totally gay. For, they were gay, and coming out, and it is, for some gay men, very easy to hide with a woman. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. But, they all are gay within a few years of meeting them. I haven’t met more than a few, I confess. Which goes to show how rare they are. But never have I met and or heard of a gay man who dabbled in woman. No, it’s always a man with a wife or girlfriend who dabbles in men.

Then there’s transgendered. Well, they’re heterosexuals. Christine Jorgensen was a man who became a woman who got legally married to a man. Chaz Bono is a woman who became a man who will legally marry a woman. What these heterosexuals have to do with gay men I don’t know. There seems to be some political thing. I don’t get it. I don’t like it. I argued against it. And well, I’m a radical, I guess.

And so this vaunted community doesn’t really exist. It’s a construct of people who like jobs in Washington DC or perhaps the large cities or state capitals so they can talk to politicians. And talking to politicians isn’t really where the gay thing is going to be solved. No, it’s going to be talking to people. Just like gay men always did.

That’s the strangest thing about gay men. We’re talkative fellows. And somewhere around 1950 we all decided, individually, yet, collectively, to talk to everyone we knew about the views prevalent at the time. And at that time, it can charitably be said that 100% of society was against us in every way imaginable. Oh, here and there there were decent folks, there are always decent folks. But still, the general 100% consensus was that something was wrong and it needed to be fixed, punished or both.

In 1969 we had our one riot. There hasn’t been a gay violent episode since. There were a few tussles beforehand. A handful of skirmishes at various bars. But they didn’t develop into anything big. They fizzled. One reason I think, besides the brief ferocity that had never been witnessed, is the very name of the bar which was raided – for the good of the people.

Stonewall. The name says something. It has a solidity to it. I don’t think anyone did is consciously. I’ve never seen such a connection in print. But I believe there was something to the word itself. The Confederate general accidentally shot by his own men, but stoic till the end. The permanence of the Chinese Wall. The legacy of Hadrian’s wall. Minutemen hiding behind stonewalls to fight the British. Something solid, long lasting, protective. Stonewall just worked better than say “Pat’s Bar” or “Pussy Cat Lounge.”

 in 1969 we started to say “No” to this nonsense about us. And well, here we are. And now, in a few weeks there will be another cascade of articles when the Supreme Court hands down their decisions on the two gay cases. I may have to hide. It’s mind numbing the way the issue is discussed.

 Every heterosexual has an opinion – and everyone of you thinks each of you is correct. Even when in direct contradiction to each other. This is because these opinions are strongly held, even religious in nature. The sheer number of theories and opinions on the issue is daunting to wade through. Maybe impossible at this point. And in all of it, there’s barely a word about any real gay men.

 It’s all about same-sex and homosexuals and sexuality and homosexuality – you folks are obsessed with our sex lives. We don’t think about it that much, we don’t.

 It’s all about what we will do to you. Amazingly, 300 million people are somehow worried about what maybe 8 million (160 million males x 5% of all ages, 0-100) will do to you – if only you say something nice. No, we’re still a problem somehow. You’re not sure. You’re working on it. Evolving as the president said. Working on being nice, reasonable, rational, with real information, and factual data, and some logic. Wow. It must be hard. That’s obvious from what is said — for it’s often the very opposite of these things I mention.

 Other than that, like I said, I’ve been busy. I’m planning a trip to my niece’s wedding, I have to take down an art exhibit. I’ve had dentist work. I’ve been painting, playing the piano, reading, writing, blah blah blah, and cleaning the house, clothes and body. You know, living. The oft forgotten part of the debate. Perhaps it’s the stuff homosexuals don’t do.

 It’s almost like we exist in an existential void. And everyone looks into the void to wonder what it’s all about. Fascinating. Pointless in many ways. And I feel like quite the anthropologist as I read what people say on the matter. I certainly need a score card to keep track of all the theories, ideas and conclusions. Though there’s few actual facts mentioned. Still fascinating.

 Anyway, that’s why I’ve been away from posting once again. I have better things to do then worry about other people’s worries over my existence.

Oh, and the gay side is just as confused — but differently. Thankfully none of our alleged leaders has gotten too public — for they can really only speak for themselves. For the gay subject isn’t really public, it’s what each of us does with the people in our lives. We’re not some group in some place. We’re individuals with whoever we know. “We” don’t want this or that — “we” just want decency from anyone we may encounter. That’s about the only thing we have in common as gay men.  

Still, it’s quite a multifaceted debate, and I can’t wait to the exciting conclusion.  


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