I can’t explain the gay thing … I try…

It is true that I – nor anyone else – can explain the gay thing. Yes, it’s true, some tiny percentage of the men are gay. In every society it’s the same percentage. Whatever it is that makes us, well, that it does. In spades, and diamonds, and clubs, if that’s what you wish to use against us. We would prefer hearts, frankly, we would.

I don’t know why we gay guys are here, I don’t – there’s a good 4 dozen postulates as to why we might exist. Whichever one is true, I’d suppose the others must be false, to some degree at least. The one thing that is true, is that all these reasons can’t be true. As I joke, “pick one already, I don’t care.” I really don’t. Pick a reason we exist – and I’ll argue that – but I can’t anymore argue them all.

It’s true too that I cannot speak of the political amalgam of the LGBT community – such as it is. I don’t know what it is. I’m not sure anyone else can explain it either. Oh, I’m sure they’d try – for many of them it’s their job. But, still, the subject is so big that no one addresses every aspect of it – and yet, the subject is so tiny that it’s really not important at all. Something which often heteros, and some few gay men, forget. We are such a tiny percentage of the population, and, in reality, so hysterically sissy like funny, that to fret about us is lunatic. Oh, no gay group likes to hear this – but in the great scheme of things gay men, gay folks, the LGBT community – in all its plethora of hydra of Medusa like form, we, I’m sorry to report, are about the most unimportant group of folks on earth. For, regardless of what any gay person thinks, it is true – if we disappear, society goes on. But, if society disappears – well, that’s the end of us. We are a function of society, in a mathematical sense. Gay folks, the LGBT community, is a mathematical function, or a product of, the hetero society in which we live. But, conversely, hetero society is not a portion, not in any tiny fraction, of gay, LGBT life. We, alas, are an appendage – yes, valuable; yes, necessary – apparently hetero society can’t do without us. But, well, alas, they can do without us.

Why we might exist, why this might be true is still, as the Archbishop of the USA Armed Forces says: “largely unexplainable.” But, alas, we are. We just are. And, as Moses said, let us people go.

For what goes on in Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered thinking I refer you to them … I am, frankly, almost wholly unaware of their brief. Oh, sure, I understand it. I understand they are as misunderstood and “threatening” as gay men are – but, for the life of me, I can’t put myself in their shoes. I’m sorry, but even though, too, I understand the hetero male American brief against gay existence, I can’t put myself in the shoes of a hetero Christian gun loving grandfather (of which I have more than a few friends of this type [I applaud you, but, well, I don’t understand it,]) either – but no one complains of that.

Well, no, I do. I believe so strongly in Liberty that I must accede, somehow, to the wishes of the hetero married Christian Male – that is my job, my duty, my existence as a citizen. At the same time, the alleged bugaboo of gay men – the white Christian Hetero Male also must understand us – even in our confounded complexity. We are difficult; I think you all are up to the task.

I, for one, am not at all oblivious to the conundrums that gay men present – oh, I can’t even contend with the conundrums of what Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgendered people present – bless their hearts, I wish them well … but, I do so in the same way as I do for White Christian Hetero Men – bless their hearts – but, you are not me – I don’t identify. I don’t.

Frankly, I’m a redneck, I guess, at heart. Patriotic American, jingoistic if I didn’t like Mexicans and other immigrants, xenophobic if I wasn’t the product of Czech immigrants not far past. American in the sense that I wish liberty for all – but, even for the rich to enjoy their wealth, and the poor to become unpoor, indeed. Too, I’m a gay man, without doubt. But, I have this gut visceral love of Americanism – I’m not sure what it is, true – but, it has something to do with the rights of all to be, well, to be. To be as whacky as they wish, when one thinks about it.

I don’t care what you wish society to be – I only care how you will pay for it – and, more importantly – how you wish to get people to your side. My complaint with Al Gore is not his warbling on Global Warming – it’s his getting $500 million of taxpayers’ money to fund the Fisker company in Finland – which itself is not a problem – I care not one whit if you can raise $500 million to start a car company in a foreign land and sell those cars to Americans – God bless you! – on your own dime. God damn you on the taxpayer dime.

My complaint about the whole gay thing is not anything remotely about the current gay debate. It’s about why there even is a gay debate. I don’t have to defend gayness. Why the hell should I have to defend what God wrought? Talk to God. My God has an answer. Perhaps yours does not. OK, I have a better God. My God will talk to yours, I’m sure. That’s how good He is.

Yes, we are, all of us, hetero and gay, confronted with the reality of gay folks – a subject like no other – oh, don’t make me give you chapter and verse on how different we are. Some of us, us gays, are a bit whackier than others, true – and so what? So are some heteros whackier than others. So what if some gays are like the hetero Pelosi? There are other gays who are like the hetero Romney. It matters not to me your view on any issue – oh, I can argue economics all the live long day – for it is also true, gay or straight – that on whatever thing you wish to spend money on you must have the money to spend.

Oh I don’t give a damn if you want no defense spending, or, only defense spending – whatever the total spending you want, is what income you better well have …

But, it matters greatly to me the gay thing – it matters so much to me that I will argue anyone under the table – I can’t argue the “gay” argument – I can’t. I can’t argue you “this gay is better than that gay” – no. Nor can I argue that there is a “gay” or a less than or more than “gay.” I can’t tell you, nor even suggest, how gays fit into society. I can’t define a curriculum that would include gays. I can’t do anything for or about gay stuff other than to say:

Please, heteros, realize at least this – we are a part of you – we are society – we are no less or no more than part of the great mystery of the society in which we all live. And to blame us for anything wrong is just silly. Are “gays” innocent? No – we are as guilty as you are – in whatever ails us.  

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1 Comment

  1. Nice piece, Mr. Hlavac.

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