Gay’s Net Positive Contribution to America

In this alleged debate we’re having in this nation over gay folks – whether we shall be married – doh, we already are – the question is – shall you heteros recognize this reality? – or, shall we be in schools – doh, we already are – the question is – shall you heteros see the gay kids amongst the broods? Or, shall we be allowed to shop here or there for accessories – doh, we already are – unless you see us as a couple or know this fact, and then, well, then the vapors, for many. Many others, not so much of late, it’s gotten better.

Still, there are the political forces that continually bleat that gay folks are the ruination of anything. Oh let us not be shy about what these people like Santorum, Tony Perkins, Maggie Gallagher, for just three of the blind mice, are saying. They are calling for the return to nothing less than the halcyon days of gay bar raids, arrests, forced conversions, religious indoctrination – it’s quite a parade of fantasies they have going about what they think society and the law should do about their gay problem. And the problem is theirs, without a doubt. Though, too, often it is the problem of gay folks – not for what we do, or did. No, but for what we haven’t said yet. For rarely, if ever, is the net positive contribution to gay folks talked about.

Oh, supposedly we’ve been counted, so we know just how many we are. I’ll stick to gay men, for I know us best, and frankly, since I don’t understand either bisexuals, which I think are really gay folks hiding behind convention, or transgendered people, which I think are really heteros in the wrong body, and thus not a gay problem whatsoever, and then, well, the lesbians, and I don’t know much about them either. And so, if Gary Gates is correct (he’s not,) there’s famously 2,491,034 gay men in America (due to death and birth, has this changed Gary? You know, to … and ,039 of us? Egad.)

So what do we few do to help the nation in which we are maligned as just the worst thing ever to hit the place. Do I need to list again the vast catalog of our powers of destruction? Why, Ann Coulter did insist once that we are the cause of black teen pregnancy – a wondrous intervention God & Christian should be alerted too, for He did, I’m told, do that immaculate conception thing only once. Still, it’s legion. But, let’s say, for the fun of it, that each gay man, on average, pays $10,000 a year in taxes. Oh, why not? David Geffen probably pays more than the rest of us combined, but I’m trying to keep this to your average gay man. So, that’s $24,910,034,000 – or, $25 billion bucks. OK, Geffen doesn’t pay what we all pay – but he averages us out to the $10,000, OK?

So, gay men contribute $25 billion bucks to the national till – and that’s just taxes – if we’re paying 33% – the single rate, or whatever that is, I like simple math for examples, and the IRS code is too bizarre to say merely “33%” – but, 33% it is – but it is also true that we don’t get to take the marital and child’s deductions now do we? No, we do not. Hell, even if we’re married, with kids for some reason, we still can’t do it federally, for their meanies of a blind sort – “no gay couples, no gay couples, they don’t exist” – yes, well, that’s the childish petulance of it at this point, of this DOMA abomination.

So, we create minimally $75 Billion in economic activity, and turn over 1/3 to the tax man – at all levels, let us be fair – or is it 50%? Different issue, I digress. Yes, $25 billion to the till.

And what do we cost? Well, OK, get us for AIDS – that’s a Billion – yes, one billion, that’s about it, with the research, the care, the 1,000,000 patients, yep, a Billion – weird, yes? OK, double it, for the fun of it – $2 billion – and yet, well, in some places, like everywhere, heteros make up 60% or more now of the case load. OK, so we foot that bill, benevolent souls we are. So, $23 billion left for the other things.

Well, we’re paying for all the legal costs of all the government defenses of all the laws against us. To pay for one’s own adversary if of course aggravating – and often under mentioned, or, alas, not mentioned at all, by gay blogs – they should change this – for yes, America, we gay folks are covering the legal costs of the defense of DOMA – it’s out tax dollars used against us. Nothing is so wondrously American as that, yes? I mean, for liberty and the general welfare – we’re so out of it, apparently, that our own government might rake in our billions, and spend a few million against us to keep us in line or something. At least to tell us “Tough noogies.” Like I said, it’s childish, truly, the stuff that even the Speaker of the House of Representatives has uttered about gay folks. The stuff he’s purposely listened to his down right farcical, but I don’t question the man’s taste in comedy.

Now, let’s deduct a billion for the silly stuff like DWIs, and tacky queen roommates with the police called in to quell the feathers. We’re not big on the gun violence and kid killings and spouse murderings and all that domestic violence. No woman ever dashed to a battered woman’s shelter because of a gay man, I assure you. And so, in reality, our parking tickets and such are pretty small potatoes, but, I’ll say a billion for the societal costs in police and courts. Though, they could save a few bucks without the police visits to the gay bars, yes? Sort of pointless to see if there’s trouble down at Twinkie Mary’s, I assure you. Never in 35 years have I seen a physical fight break out between gay men – oh, a wandering hetero come to think he’s going to have easy pickings beating up sissies, yes, but gay men fighting? No, hahaha! No.

And so, that’s $22 billion on the positive side of the ledger.

Of course, again, I have no idea if the number is right, but no one is even guessing. No serious blogger – you know, those who think they’re important because they have lots of followers, some of whom who actually read what they post – and I notice there are two sorts of posts on gay political blogs that get the most comments – 1) any post on what some crazed lunatic says about us – we get defensive, but there’s a shift – yes, I detect a shift to a “ignore the mites” – which is good. I’d say do a boycott on news about these creeps for a week – not one gay blog mention any of the roosters crowing cock-a-doodle-do to their imagine perils of gay men. Frankly, I’m tired of reading about what Tony Perkins says. In fact, I don’t even have to read it anymore – it’s formulaic. “Gay men are destroying the nation by … “ fill in current factoid. Hell, fill in the name of a hurricane at this point they are so comedic. Then he flies on an airline and waltzes through hotels peopled by gay employees to assist him in his journey, and he’s supinely stupid as to not recognize that reality. It’s frightening, actually, to be so willful ignorant. I can’t do it, I really can’t. I can’t even try, when I think about it.

Anyway, 2) hot guy pictures. Yes, even on this blog, the pictures get the most hits. Well, so, we look at pictures of hot men. Weirdly, it’s never porn, so much as art. We like art of men, who would have guessed. I find in the great prurience battle that the heteros are way beyond gays in the sex talk department. We are prudes compared to what is on mere billboards that line city freeways. I can assure you I know where all the gentlemen’s clubs are, and where, I’m equally sure, I shall meet no gentlemen. And the baby billboards – pre-,post-,present-,planning-,preventing[,postponing- it’s never ending, for even with the little accord given gay folks of late, nary a hetero has ceased the business of procreation. I fear not for the population’s increase with decency accorded to those who weren’t going to have kids anyway.

And so, too, we also provide a Billion Bucks a year in Anti-Gay Industry business – without us having real jobs and wishing to be left alone by our government and included in the reasonable laws as just who we are – there would not be this huge industry with big buildings and conferences and journals and Lord knows what else. What is the multiplier effect of this billion in anti-gay spending? Hmm? I’d say, oh, another $1,000,000,000 – look at all them zeros – a gay contribution to the idle lives of otherwise untalented people – I’d say that’s a plus, yes?

And so, we don’t contribute much to the negative side – and even AIDS was positive in many ways – first of all, by increasing everyone’s knowledge of the immune system not a disease alive today has not been blasted with new weapons in the war on illness. And too, since so may idiots really do hate us, it’s rather obvious they thought us dying was a contribution. Some of these idiots still want more of us dead. They are vocal about their genocidal rages, and what with us gays paying to help the government attack us already, they’re apparently to busy to speak to the murderous thugs in religious garb that hound gay folks for the lack of anything constructive to do.

So, $22 billion on the plus side of the ledge – that’s what gay men, minimally, contribute in positive tax revenues to the nation. And $75 billion overall economic activity. And that’s if there’s really just 2.5 million of us – I’d say, double that, and presto, we’re up to $50 billion in taxes, $5 billion in costs, and thus, a 45 billion buck net contribution to society – and that, I’d say, is something we gay folks have to be proud about.

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