Can an anti-gay person redeem himself? Yes, but Updated

Months ago, back on June 20th 2011 I did a post about a certain Mr. ……… He posted some comments hither and yon on the internet – they became a gay blogging sensation; well, someone’s got to monitor this stuff. And every gay man in the nation was just astonished and admonished Mr. …….. that he was way out of line. And well, he began to work hard to redeem himself almost immediately. We wound up, he and I, having a pleasant email exchange since then, in which he tried to explain himself somewhat. I did what I could back then to note that we gays can “trust, but verify” while letting people redeem themselves and join the “gay-perplexed” portion of the nation, at least. Not “for” gays, but just not Against us. Mr. ……. keeps trying to further redeem himself. I’m willing to give him the chance. In fact, I had written back then, these words:

>>But having said all that – no, gays don’t quite owe Mr. ……….. an apology, so much as we owe him a listen, and a bit of understanding. As we owe every hetero a listen as we seek to have them come around to a friendly position on us. And yet, still, and perhaps Mr. ……… might not agree totally with this – we gays still need to “trust, but verify” such mitigation, amelioration and explanation of our oft misunderstood English language as directed at us, or perceived to be directed at us. How misunderstood? Well, some people still get confused that gay means both “happy” – as in “Now we don our gay apparel” and well, “gay” as in “sissy smooching.”

So I’m content that Mr. …….. did no intentional harm, and simply stepped on a rhetorical landmine– but words are powerful things, and we should all be careful about what we say.

And so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. And I urge all gays to give the man the benefit of the doubt. But, still, “trust, but verify.”

So I’m satisfied that Mr. ……… is not the mean man that he was made out to be. And I have the feeling he’ll be far more careful in the future, which can’t hurt us. And I will be sending this post to the gay sites that brought it to my attention in the first place and ask them to also give him the benefit of the doubt – Which I can’t make them do, but that is not my burden.

Still, perhaps, just perhaps, we have found a new ally. I’d like to think so. Yet, yes, trust, but verify. But a big thanks to Mr. ……….. for having taken the time to try to correct the problem – for somehow I think the man was a bit worried to be perceived the ogre and the potential legal ramifications of such misunderstood words. And even if he comes late to the pride party, that’s fine by me. END

Well, I’m still ready to help the man towards his redemption. To go as boldly as he dares to go, as fast as he can get there. This I have no problem with. Indeed, I welcome it. Though I told him I had to think about the Stalinesque moment of removing actual history to make a rosier past. Don’t worry, his comments and all I preserve in the dossier I keep on him; they can be called forth at a moment’s notice. Still, every man needs a second chance. Every person needs the opportunity to come to there senses on the on one of the most hotly debated non-issues of our times: gay folks. To paraphrase some political operatives: It’s the economy, not the sissies.

But, in fact, this is the very process on which we gay folks have relied on for so long. For back then, in the dark days of the pre-1969 hissy fit at the Stonewall, we were excoriated by all. Now we are excoriated only by a few. The majority has not been slowly been moving our way under duress, no. But by no actions on our part except just proving all what they ever said or believed to be flat out wrong. Yes, too, they have been moving our way because they have had to come to reckon within themselves a new way of looking at gay folks.

The nation has been, to use the presidential word, “evolving.” Some have come further and faster than others, and some pander about their evolution, eh, Mr. Obama? Yes, you do, you cad. Some are still quite sure they are right and we are just so wrong that we deserve not to exist. Or if we exist, to exist in some never-never land of pure abstinence with nary a lusty thought nor ever mentioning the thing, and even to go so far as to deny our reality and pursue some girl of those people’s dreams that they have yet to produce for my viewing pleasure.

And so Mr. …… asked me to remove the post whereby we first had met, and his name itself. He did so a week ago; said he asked others, including Wayne Besen of to do the same, said that some others have done so, and some have not, and Mr. Besen is one who removed. Well, I wrote to Mr. Besen, but have not heard back. [yes, I did, after I originally wrote this, he agreed, remove the man’s name, there’s still creeps out there.] No big deal. Frankly, the man is busy, and he’s taking on some creep named PFOX and it’s oberfuhrer Greg Quinlan (more like American Quisling [look it up, cultural know-nothings,] for being treasonous against American values and our Declaration of Independence, but I’m cranky about these fabricators of horrid distortions of my life and being.) Mr. Quinlan is uttering just outright tort actionable slander and libel & lies and misstatements with but one object in mind: the destruction of gay men and women and our very lives, liberties and fortunes in this nation. Oh, Quinlan is sure he’s got the word, from on high; yes, well, what has he been smoking?

This PFOX is allegedly the “Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays.” It’s a bizarre name for a multitude of reasons. Let’s look. One, there’s no such thing as an “Ex-gay.” What there is is a few million gay folks saying that anyone like PFOX is out of their minds. And a handful of gay men who go around claiming they fight daily against their gayness by being married to a woman who can handle their gayness. Well, talk about your open marriages eh? What do the wives of these few people think their hubbies are thinking of, imagining, running through their minds, when a moment of marital bliss might be engaged? Surely the women don’t truly think that these “ex-gay” men who claim to still be “struggling” with the gayness within think that their husbands are thinking of them, do they? Say it ain’t so! How could any women possibly believe that their gay husbands are thinking hetero when the men themselves claim openly and constantly that they themselves are still thinking like the gay men they are? Truly, it’s mind boggling. Oh, well, I’m not married to one of these creeps. It’s why I don’t date hetero men, too – who wants a partner having to fake it all the time? Not me.

This PFOX is handing out fliers in grade schools to reach the gay kids before they are, um, gay, I guess. I mean, really, here we have a ridiculously tiny bunch of gay kids, oh, 5% or less of the total, and PFOX is handing out fliers to every kid to stop the menace? Egad, what a waste of money. And this PFOX, as well as Exodus, JONAH, NARTH, AFTAH, oh, hell, there’s slews more, they are selling a service – and no one is buying it. They survive on donations from people who think like them. And they have staff aplenty, no doubt, awaiting the miraculous parade of gays who they hope will come to through their doors. They have built a better mousetrap, these PFOX’s have (and I can’t but giggle at the Price Pfister plumbing fixtures company’s ads from long ago about that silent P before the F in Pfister, and well, the {p}FOX ain’t getting this hen, that’s for sure.) And no one is beating a path to their door. Except, well, Mr. Besen, who is doing so to alert them to the lawsuit aimed at their jugular.

Frankly, I think gay groups would do better to haul all these fabricators and slanderers and libelers into court, rather than give one penny to some politician to pay for a vote in our favor. Those votes would be for free if the opposition wasn’t paying more money to the same politicians for their bit of lobbying. Indeed, the politicians are cravenly taking money from both sides of the game; what a racket, eh?

Can Mr. Quinlan come round one day? Perhaps. We’d all welcome it. Why, I think gay folks would be so darn happier and gayer if Rick Santorum came to his senses and said something like “Doh, was I dumb on that one!” Yes, it takes a tough man to make an apology for being so wrong for so long. We need a tough man as president. Perhaps the two gentlemen, Quinlan and Santorum, will take a page from the redemption book, and come to their senses, or at least shush about their tomfoolery. And perhaps they can them come to ask me to remove what I said about them, as Mr. …….. asked me, and which I now agree (not comply, agree,) with the one continuing admonition: Trust, but verify.

I somehow think that Mr. ……… has seem some light, but if he goes astray again, well, so much for my trust eh? Can I be blunt like this with a new-found friend? I sure am with friends of mine I’ve known for decades. And it will be verified, for the internet hides nothing. As a certain Arizona sheriff as newly discovered. And as Mr. Quinlan will find regurgitated to him line by line in whatever lawsuit Mr. Besen is engineering. Through the whole kit and kaboodle at the man, see what sticks. See what he still stands by. See what he won’t renounce or admit he’s wrong. See what he still intends to lie about, and cause grief. Redemption is possible, but heteros have to do it; we gay folks have done nothing wrong but wake up in the morning with the most startling revelation – we are men who like men. Oh well, we’re a small bunch, and hardly worth the bother of the nation, but some seek to make an issue of us.

I’d much rather speak about the economy and foreign policy and the proper costs of roads, but alas, there are political forces in this nation which seek to confine me to prison for the rest of my natural life, or at least so harass me with impunity that I’m just fed up with being their punching bag. And to paraphrase Dr. Samuel Johnson (loved his house in London!) “Nothing so concentrates the mind as being told you’ll be imprisoned forever.”


1 Comment

  1. This post speaks to me, because I was once a sinner. Well, not MUCH of a sinner – I’ve never in my life been anti-Gay, but I once made a statement on my blog that was thoughtless and potentially hurtful to Gays, and Jim Hlavac called me out on it. Not in a harsh and nasty way, but taking me to task and asking me to justify what I said. And upon thinking about it, I couldn’t. I’d screwed up big time, I was ashamed, and I apologized. Not just to Jim Hlavac, but to my blog’s readers. And I’m glad to say that Jim Hlavac and I are now friends, and my conservative blog’s readers have no question about where I stand on Gay issues and Gay rights. Which sure as hell doesn’t make me a saint – it just makes me a decent human being (and a work in progress).

    I’m posting this because I hope that more people in different camps can form that friendly bond that Jim Hlavac and I have found…just two people talking to each other honestly, and giving enough room for one of them (in this case me) to grow a little.

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