I provide hundreds of jobs. Far more than Obama ever did.

I provide several thousand jobs without really trying. Here, let me explain. And let me tell you, Teleprompter? HA! I don’t need no stinkin’ teleprompter! I have 35 years of “practicing” against the verbal assault carried out by idiots who think they know me. I provide them jobs. From my life, my work, my endeavor, even my pleasure, I provide jobs for hundreds! Without me they would have no work; and they don’t even thank me? The bastards.

The entire NO GAYS! Movement has me to thank for their living. It is I who pay their mortgage. It is I who puts shoes on their kids’ feet. It is I who provides gasoline for their cars. And hamburgers for their stamina so they might go to work moaning about my existence. Every day they wake up and assault my being with falsehoods; and without me they would have nothing to do; for they know nothing else.

Some people wonder, are we gay folks – or me – just “obsessed” with “homosexuality” – and I laugh my ass off – I mean really, I don’t make a living at it; I just wake up in the morning.. It’s Tony Perkins and Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council that are obsessed with my life. They make a living off of me; for heaven’s sake. They go to work 6 & 7 days a week decrying my very existence. I provide these two creeps with a job.

By merely waking up in the morning and considering which aunt, uncle, cousin, sibling or parent I might call today; they earn their daily bread by saying I “attack” my own family. Yes, which relative of mine, either here in the US or in Prague will I call in my alleged “attack” on “family values” is how these morons keep food in their bellies. And they thank me not, the bums.

Are these two creeps out of their minds? Why does anyone listen to a word they say anymore? Because they bleat “family”? What do they know of my family? They know nothing. These two creeps don’t even know I exist. But they are sure that I am the ruin of the nation – and my own family, in it’s rather huge gathering of nearly a 100 people.

I find this fascinating; that two grown men can hang out together all day long and worry about two grown men, um, hanging out all day together. It’s comedy already. Pure comedy. Though, scary comedy too, for they aim to bring the police upon me.

And every day I get up and go to work, how does this Maggie Gallagher, the unwed mother in charge of the bizarrely named “National Organization [for] Marriage” thank me for my contribution to the nation? By screeching to the rafters “THE GAYS! THE GAYS!” This thing, this blob, her and her group, they are not “FOR” marriage – they are, though, very much against my “marriage” and my very existence. I don’t claim this as some paranoia – They repeat it incessantly: No Gays! NO GAYS!

They want us gone. They want me out of here. They don’t care how. And I, and we, say to them: pfftt. This creature makes a living off of me – I provide her her job. I am the one who puts bread on her table by merely talking to my friends – such are my job creating skills. She is so obsessed with my “lifestyle” that she can’t even define it other than: NO GAYS! Yet my house is not much different than hers; we might argue over who has more refrigerator magnets, maybe. And yet she goes to Congress, to governors, to meetings, to conferences, in a vain attempt to rid me from this world through a law. Hahahahaha! Stupid, just plain ol’ stupid.

What is this “American Family Values” Bryan Fischer doing? He’s calling for me to be incarcerated for not believing the Bible as he does; and people give him credence? Are you all out of your minds? He wants me off the streets so I don’t play piano again? Does anyone see this as not utterly crazy? Or amy I the lunatic as I shower and brush my teeth before going to meet my fellows for a barbecue?

He wants me to kiss his sister because he thinks this will make me happier? Why would he want some poor lass to take me on? I have no idea what do to with some woman. I have heard all my life that it is quite the thing; why, everyday I cannot escape the wonders of heterosexuality. All my childhood I was told it was the thing to do. And yes, well, and yet it is impossible; it just ain’t me. I don’t know why. But it’s not because I didn’t read this or that verse of the Bible carefully enough. This I can tell him.

Yet, there he is, daily, making pronouncements like he is dictator – NO GAYS! NO GAYS! And yet he does not thank me for his job. After all, without me living quietly in my home and bringing mirth and merriment to all I encounter every day he would not have a job.

It is amazing, when I think about it – I am a one man job creating machine the likes of which Obama only wishes he could be. Every day, by merely doing my laundry the NO GAYS! Movement earns a few bucks. Every day by making breakfast some creep can pay for his dinner because I butter my toast to loudly. Every day I mow my lawn some moron like Bradlee Dean gets to hire a gardener for he’s too busy worried that I’m tending my yard in a manner that pleases him not, that he can’t mow his own lawn.

Every moment I live and breathe is a boom to these people who perceive me as a threat – Ruben Diaz – he is one who should worry of his “worthy of death” gay talk – for when I’m gone he might have naught to do.

Every moment I go through my daily routine, which is so utterly like every other American’s daily routine as to be completely unremarkable, people like Jennifer Morse of this NOM, which wants to nom, nom, nom me out of existence, gets to feed her kids. This Morse woman is feeding her kids by accusing me of “attacking” her kids – and I don’t even know where they live, and I’m sure it’s not on my street. Who is this creepy woman who earns her daily bread from me?

Why must I provide jobs for these people? I do not want to hire them for homo-hating. I do not want to provide their salaries to castigate me. I did not seek them out to hound me so that they might cover their car note. No, these people volunteered to come upon me like locusts as they worship Baal and the idol of “homosexuality.” They bow down to “Homosexuality” Oh yes they do. They should thank their lucky stars for “homosexuals” or otherwise they would not have jobs.

I paint mazes, build websites, play piano and smooch a sissy from time to time; and they earn their living saying this is the end of the world. It’s hysterical, in every sense of the word. Without me they would have to get a real job. Alas, it seems they don’t know what else to do. But do they thank me for their sustenance? Nooooo – they bewail my existence; and think I shall follow them because while claiming to loooovvvvveeeee me they heap abuse upon me.

Nah, I’m not paranoid. These people are out to get me. And I don’t need to dwell on this all day; I can spit these things out in 20 minutes. I am not a “practicing homosexual” at all. I’m a professional gay guy; employing thousands in the NO GAYS! movement.

But I’m not worried. Nothing has ever stopped me before. But every once in a while I would appreciate a word of thanks from these people whom I provide jobs for. The ungrateful bums.


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