Memo to Politicians: Gays are from Saginaw, not Satan.

I have it on good authority that the Mixx Night Club at 155 North Hamilton Street, Saginaw, Michigan is a hotbed of the “radical” and “militant” “homosexual” “lobby” with an “agenda” to destroy family, God, church, and nation. Ahem.

I learn this from – a website where all the nefarious gays might be found on a moment’s notice. You’ll need that site, America, when the laws come against us. You all seem to be wholly unaware as to where we might be; for the discussion is in the abstract “homosexuality” but not about Joe and John and Jason, and perhaps a Jane or Jilly, too, down at the Mixx Night Club in Saginaw. No, you think we’re from Satan! It’s unbecoming a free people to listen to the supposed political leaders to be talking about how a tiny bunch are from “Satan,” when they’re paying their taxes in Saginaw, that’s for sure.

For let me tell you, Satan doesn’t give a hoot about Saginaw, and there is no portal to the fiery underworld of Hell in Saginaw; though there be 10% unemployment, I hear.

Yes, the statements, these: ”gays attack families” or “gays are from Satan” or “gays have very sad lives,” or “gays are destroying civilization” – uttered in public debates, and to national conferences, and to reporters, and in divers assemblies of the people where we go to hear how this or that politician is the very best to lead us from our morass – these statements are so ludicrous that one wonders why one would utter or write them.

But, here we go, daily, on the hustings, nearly every candidate for president is saying such things. As, alas, will be true throughout this upcoming presidential election – the charge levied – gays are a threat to society. Somehow, in some indeterminate way, unexplained except in the abstract of “homosexuality.” Everyone is asking – is this true? Every candidate will be asked “Do you think the gays of Saginaw are a threat to society?” Such is the fodder spewed forth by divers politicians and the ridiculous press in these United States.

Yes, the idea is so obscene, so nasty, so delusional that I wonder why it might be said. Still, there’s Michelle “gays are from Satan” Bachmann, and Rick “gays attack the family” Santorum and the rest of them, Perry, Pawlenty (oh, no, he dropped out,) Cain, who else? – all going off, at every opportunity, to say the gays of Saginaw are some Satanic force come to wreck holy hell upon the place. I laugh my tuckus off every time I hear the charge, and then wonder about the sanity of those who utter it.

For when the proposed leaders of the free world, and the most powerful nation on earth, and the man or woman with a finger on the button ready to truly destroy something, all agree that we gay folks are a threat – bigger than any other, it appears – and they are fearful of us, like a bunch of ninnies – I worry.

For when people who want to be the most powerful person on earth are afraid of sissies in Saginaw this cannot be good.

How can one stand up to Syria, bombing its own people mercilessly, when one is afraid of sissies?

For how can one tackle Libya when one is afraid of a few Lesbians in Lawrence, Kansas?

And Obama is no better – he’s “evolving” on some issue or another about us. What does that mean? “Evolving”? – has he no time to think about it on the golf course or his vacations? Has he not had time to inquire of the gays he so proudly proclaims to promote: “Are you folks really a threat to society if I say you’re married?” he might ask. Has he not a moment to stop and pause and realize the cruel and delusional absurdity that gayness might be a threat? Perhaps he thinks gays in San Francisco, where the poor fools give him millions of dollars, are not a threat, and those in Saginaw might still be.

A president, of any party, has a pulpit, and it is his Duty to stop the harassment of some citizens by other citizens. Not some flimflam of “I’ll not defend a weird law, but I won’t repeal it either.” Submit the legislation sir, Repeal DOMA. Tell everyone “Hey, um, Gays are not the problem.” Or are we such a good distraction from your ruinous policies that you will say nothing, sir?

No, we are to be an issue, we gays, this election; our lives and wealth and sacred honor is to be a major topic of conversation – one without a conclusion, even. For a conclusion can’t be reached if they all run around thinking we’re from Satan who starts his crusade to wreck the place every Friday night at the Mixx Club in Saginaw, that’s for sure. And weirdly, we’re to have this discussion without a gay person discussing it, or having a say so. And most distressingly, we’re to have it without actually discussing it, but merely quick sound bites – “Gays attack families, this I believe.” My God, do you believe sugar plum fairies are running Russia too? What other delusions might you hold? That’s my worry.

It is a wonder to behold 300,000,000 erstwhile strong and determined individual Americans, the bravest and freest people on earth, absolutely panic stricken about 10 or 20 million gay folks. It’s frightening, that they are frightened, these politicians who claim to want to lead the world, of a few hairdressers and little theater actors.

Look at them scurry about like little children, “oh my, the gays, the gays, they’re everywhere!”

Freaking out like ninnies, and discussing whether to even recognize the reality – while sure to avoid having a word with us. No, at this point I would think every single candidate for president of this nation would come on down to a gay bar – the Mixx is a good place to start, for Saginaw is probably the Peoria of the great silent majority of gay people – and find out what the problem is.

Don’t presidents and candidates always sweep into the disaster area, so they can comfort the damaged, and see what might be done? Are they not to go to our Parents themselves and ask “What did you do?” or “Why have you created this menace?” For there seems to be this belief that our parents made us gay, but we had to choose to be gay also, with a strong and absent father and a weak but too close mother, and the right mix of some environmental factors never explained as more than, well, as more than environment, though we need the predisposition to do this and have this done to us – and we had to do it sometime unknown between 0 and 21 – for after 21 I guess we’re part of the Militant Lobby – while before then, we’re being recruited and waylaid by the evil molesting homosexuals over 21. Such are the facts that are known.

No, no one has a blessed clue as to what they are talking about – but spew forth opinion, that this is what they believe, this is what their God has said, this is what they think – but they know nothing; and admit it freely. Why, get the 10 or 20 presidential contenders together and ask them: “Where do gay people come from?” and you will get 10 or 20 different answers, often as such odds to each other, that it would seem up is down, and left is right, and black is white, all at the same time, for we are a wonder to behold. So important to the national well being we are, that only endless discussion of one’s personal belief with no fact is proof of the charge “gays are a threat to families.”

Where are the billions to be spent to stop the “assault” of gays upon the nation? Yes, these politicians are saying we’re assaulting something or other – they don’t know, perhaps family, the nation, civilization itself, it changes day by day as they run from their past statements, which are asked of for clarification. On all of this, their “gay position” – of this they are somewhat sure and unsure, at the same time. But won’t clearly state – for you are either for getting rid of the gay menace or you are not!

You can’t very well leave the Spawn of Satan hanging around to muck up the place can you? You can’t very well let a few million people destroy 300,000,000 can you?

Ah, that’s right, we’re not the problem. No. Not at all.

Well, but I’ll tell you what the problem is. Heteros are so friggin’ stupid and fearful of gays it’s not funny. And political heteros are the most fearful. Never before has a free people been so panic stricken of sissies. Egad, men, get your heads out of our butts, and see the light.


1 Comment

  1. Drew holladay

    I agree whole heartedly 100 %. It’s rally true that ignorance is bliss when politicians are sitting around a table, acussing gays of ruining family, life when we could probably raise a child better than them. We are loving like our mothers and alot less pred. Than our forefathers.

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