The Economy, the Bachmanns & the Ex-Hetero Paradox

So the stock market has dropped like a rock in a pond. Did it cause a ripple yet? Hard to tell. Sure trillions in equity, paper wealth, was wiped out. Sure, people frantically perused the financial press to see their investments tank, and the stocks they hoped to sell for their retirement lose, oh, say 10% of their value, maybe. Maybe more, maybe less, hard to tell yet. Could be a momentary correction. Could be a harbinger of worse to come. The prognosticators are out in force, oddly making money from the grim news, whether they are right or wrong. Indeed, virtually all predictions are wrong, being they are based on the wishful thinking that the predicting person will be right and hailed a savior. And if wrong, go on to predict some more about the future.

Now, the credit rating of the nation has been nicked, and the Congress is supposedly going to investigate, and no doubt pontificate, and even perhaps castigate, and then get back to their ruinous spending of borrowed money which got the nick in the first place. The president is unhappy, apparently, with the new rating, which his policies brought about, and is quite adamant that the ratings mean nothing, and that it’s all someone else’s fault. Yes, the president, who commands the summit of power, says he is simply innocent of all problems, they being caused by George Bush, or the Tea Party diaspora (for there is no “party,” nor “membership” nor “leader” or anything, but rather only some people more miffed than others at the shape of the country.)

Meanwhile, there are many articles, too many to read actually, all of a sudden about the coming apocalypse of economic doom. Most are based on the simple proposition that you can’t keep borrowing money forever with no means to pay it back. And I suppose that’s a reasonable assumption. Some of the articles are about what it means for Wall Street, and some about what it means for Main Street, and some no doubt about what it means for the street where this or that writer might have his abode. It’s actually hard to tell. People are resilient; the markets will fluctuate. New ways of doing things might be found or thought up; and old inefficient ways will be put to pasture, one hopes.

I have no answer to the steady drumbeat of bad economic news except this; cut the taxes, cut the spending, stop the borrowing, end the charade of funny math in government accounting, start the drilling for oil, lessen the regulations and rules, furlough and fire the bureaucrats, and end the conceit that the government can solve every problem and take care of every need and run the entire show. The government should be a framework of law, property and contract within which the people do what they want. It should not be working on figuring out our caloric intake and from what sources. We don’t need a government borrowing money from China to lend to sports teams here to build billion dollar stadiums that are barely used.

So there’s all this crisis, this dilemma, this morass of economic news from Wall Street, Main Street and Pennsylvania Avenue’s two sides, that is, the White House and Congress. This should no doubt occupy the minds of anyone running for office. This huge enterprise known as the United States needs some focus, some attention, someone who can get a handle on the big picture and start to form a coherent plan to rectify the thing rather than just standing around saying “let’s do it like we’ve always done.” Obviously something is not working right. No one can deny that. And the more the government gets involved with everything the more everything is mucked up. Though some people like the muck, for they like to rake it, and see what might be purloined from it. Which is the essence of our political situation at the moment – the Republicans and the Democrats have mucked it up, sharing almost equal blame or responsibility, and now they have come to town to tell us how they will unmuck the muck they mucked up. Right.

And off in the corners, on the hustings, on the political stage, where people might be expected to put forth their ideas on how to solve any of it there are people focused on a wholly different thing: the ex-heteros in our midst.

Yes, supposedly everyone is born heterosexual, for nature and procreation and the good stuff, and some few millions have apparently mucked up this paradise by being ex-heteros. That is, they have sloughed off their alleged inner core being, their supposedly ingrained, deeply embedded, God-Ordained, just rights heterosexual natures and thrown that to the wayside, to be seen no more; with such powerful minds, and inscrutably so, no one has figured out how the ex-heteros do it. And do so willingly and it might be said, with malicious foresight in a vain attempt to destroy civilization. Quite a peril ex-heteros are said to be, that laws are needed, now apparently more than ever, to stop the menace.

Aw, so many, too. Look, millions of them ex-heteros wandering around smooching after a hard day at the office. Nearly 100% employed, for there is no welfare for ex-heteros, nor government programs to assist them, nor any way to live off the taxpayers like good heterosexuals can. Many of them ex-heteros are even taxpaying business owners who employ other ex-heteros because it was impossible to be ex-hetero and employed, what with the firings and the harassment and the lack of advancement once the ex-heteroness was discovered by others. Yes, so they struck out on their own and opened up hair salons, florists and antiquaries as well as other divers professions and sorts of work too numerous to recount here, all of which productivity now imperils the nation and must be stopped, I guess.

Yes, this is what the politicians are focusing on – getting all these ex-heteros back into the fold. So that the nation might move forward, as they say. And the politicians, all of a piece, have the same policy proscription to move the ex-heteros back to the straight ways said to have been abandoned on purpose – prayer. Yes, politicians preaching! Here in America – and nothing says “Theocracy not Democracy” like politicians preaching. Why, it’s almost like fighting bishops in Medieval times on Crusades against the infidels and Jews. Yes, why, when politicians preach the good word, we know no good comes of it – like religious wars and abrogation of the right to freely believe as one wishes as enshrined in our nation’s founding documents. But that’s not nearly as important as ridding the land of ex-heteros, and all those rights are either to be abandoned or superseded, especially to make sure the ex-heteros become ex-ex-heteros again and the nation saved.

Yes, the peaceful, productive tiny miniscule bunch of ex-heteros are apparently among the biggest problems in the nation. Or otherwise they would not be such a constant source of discussion and heavy breathing as the heavy lifting of convincing ex-heteros to be ex-ex-heteros is done, though with no success to date.

So it is good to know that a woman named Michelle Bachmann and her fey husband (of rumored or gossiped ex-hetero choice himself) Marcus have joined at the hip to bring us the good news of ex-ex-heteroism. Though of late they demur and say that their 30 years of work in business and politics, which was built on stopping the ex-hetero menace in the first place, and making sure the ex-ex-heteros had all the resources one could muster to stop the doom – which is, alas, no more than “pray the ex-hetero away” – was really just “oh, nothing, it was nothing.” Such they now try to have us believe, as they hide their candle under the basket.

Which is odd for a politicians in this nation to urge upon a small segment of the population a level of perfection no one else bothers to achieve. Just as odd that only ex-heteros shall be exhorted by politicians to pray and accept Jesus as the politicians declare it to be good. Just as odd to urge upon the small ex-hetero population the idea that they alone are the cause of the problems of all the heterosexuals who run amok in the streets, homes and courts of this nation. How one tiny group could be responsible for so many is hard to conceive; what powerful folks they must be. How the tiny ex-hetero bunch could control so much power as to not only rid themselves of their true heterosexual natures – but seek to control all the remaining heterosexuals and destroy their lives and livelihoods for no reason discernible nor elucidated beyond merely “ex-heteros exist, ergo they are against it all” is hard to fathom. Which might be because it’s a little delusional, but hey, it seems to rack up the bucks and the votes.

But when politicians are focused on ex-heteros and the good of ex-ex-heteroism, I dare say they are not focused on the problems of the nation. When they spend their time comporting themselves with people who want to eliminate the ex-heteros by any means possible up to and including “execute them” as one of the heterosexuals concerned about the so-called ex-hetero problem said, they obviously can’t be spending their time on stuff that matters. And thus, because of their misplaced priorities, which they claim on their faith alone must be done, then they are not fit for public office.

For of all the problems that beset this nation, ex-heteros are not it. And now why do I keep referring to ex-heteros? Who are those people? Why, they’re us gay folks. For to hear the Bachmanns turn over the overdrive of their tour bus on their way to ridding the nation of ex-heteros – this must be true: All gay guys must be heterosexual somewhere under their undies somehow and if only we pray as Preacher Marcus demands of us then we will find the woman of his dreams. He’s nuts of course, but that is the way he earns a living, and that is the political program his wife is running on, oh well. With Bible in hand, she typically doesn’t see the irony of a woman on the hustings doing politics as the Bible outright condemns the abomination of woman even thinking for themselves. She should consult those passages in her Good Book in hand and read all about how she should be home and hushed and meek and obey the men of the realm. Otherwise I might think her the hypocrite.

Now, quit with the ex-hetero and ex-ex-hetero crap and get to work on some real issues, OK?

 

 

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