Rick Santorum’s Trillion Dollar Anti-Gay Crusade

Rick Santorum wants to spend Trillions of Dollars to get rid of gay people.

No one likes to look at math; that is evident by the Congress and the President and the two political parties, who seem intent on bankrupting the nation. But math is easy. 2 + 2 does still = 4 after all. So let us look at the math of Rick Santorum’s anti-Gay crusade. He has announced on the hustings that he’s against us – that he wants us gone. More to the point, he has called for bringing back the anti-gay smooching laws – the anti-gay sex laws. He wants to outlaw gay behavior. He wants to rid the nation of gayness. And he’s joined by a coven of creeps like the FRC, NARTH, AFTAH, AFA, CWA, NOM and the rest of the polygamous incestuous cross breeding group who are the NO GAYS! Movement.

Oh, let us call them what they are. Let us not be shy. They are getting the ear of Republican presidential candidates – and one of those candidates, Rick Santorum, is hellbent on destroying gay people. Another, Michelle Bachmann is not that far behind. Others are right there in the mush of things, stinking up the place with nastiness and not a shred of rational thought. That it is sick and demented, cruel and unAmerican, anti-God and inhumane is beside the point. Let us look at the cost. These poseurs for family values are so against gay folks that they forget to tally the costs of getting rid of us. Let us look.

There are roughly 10,000,000 gay people – oh, please disregard the fantastical figure by Gary Gates of exactly 2,491,034 – amazing – an exact figure! Down to the 34th of us! How friggin’ stupid is that? Anyway, there’s roughly 10,000,000 of us, about 7% of the population – 5% of the men are gay, and 2% of the women are lesbians. This is borne out in gay event after gay parade after counting up the gay bars and whom is inside them – it’s a 5 to 2 ratio, boy – girl. Anyone who doesn’t see this is not looking. Oh that’s right, no one looks, that would be bad – instead phone calls are made to divers few houses, and extrapolated from there: “Hi, I’m counting gay people – are you gay or is anyone in your household gay?” And this is alleged to get the number. This is intellectually dishonest.

So, Rick Santorum is calling for outlawing gay sex again – which means there will instantly be 10,000,000 new criminals. And you know, if he gets into office, and similar people like him get into office, there’s little that gay folks are going to do to stop such a law. We simply do not have the numbers, and never will (all fear to the contrary notwithstanding.) And so we will demand to be arrested. And indeed, if the law is there, that the relationships are illegal, then we are indeed criminals and we should be arrested. No? Isn’t that the point of laws? To take off the streets the harmful people in our midst? And what will be arrested for, for this newly created crime of being gay? Smooching, I’m sure. You pass that law Santorum, and we shall have no choice but to show up at the White House demanding arrest, and smooching until you do so.

And what will that cost? Let’s say it’s $5,000 per arrest. And why not? Isn’t that the cost of the lawyers to write up the “go arrest them” papers? And the police to come and get us, along with the gasoline they’ll use. Not to mention the arraignments, and the paperwork, and the fingerprinting and the gathering and storing of whatever we have on our persons when hauled off to the pokey. All these things have a dollar amount to them. Is an arrest only $3,000? Or is it $10,000? I don’t know – it’s got to be somewhere in that range. And surely we must include the public defenders – “Guilty of being gay” shall be our statement, but still, will we be allowed lawyers? Decades ago, back before the 1970s, gay men weren’t allowed to defend themselves in court – we were not considered of sound mind and body. Is that what Rick thinks, we’ll not be allowed public defenders or a lawyer if we can afford one?

OK, so let’s settle on $5,000 – sounds like a good number – correct me if I’m wrong – and that means to arrest at the start 10,000,000 gay people means $50 billion in costs. Right off the get go, $50 billion. And this in a time of austerity and nerve wracking debt debate? Is Santorum kidding? Why will no one ask him how much it will cost? Surely there’s a dollar figure rolling around in that meticulous head of his, the one were the mush dreams up the horrors of gay people. Surely he’s thought this through, no? Or is he just shoving mush from his brain to microphone? $50,000,000,000 to arrest all the gay folks in this nation.

Not to mention the greatly increased need for police to arrest us. For the police apparently have barely enough resources to arrest the criminals we got – and some 3,000,000 Americans are already incarcerated at a cost of billions. He’d have to hire a million new cops, perhaps. I offer no dollar figure, but what a jobs program!

So let us now go to the trials – 10,000,000 trials! Can you imagine? How many more courts, judges, bailiffs, juries, DA’s and on and on through the criminal justice system will be required? Surely thousands, 10s of thousands even. Is this Rick Santorum’s job creation program? To hire tens of thousands of police, judges, bailiffs and whatnot for the court system to adjudicate the 10,000,000 gay people? Is he serious? If so, he’s crazy.

Let us state the reality, again – the man wants to outlaw gay people – we shall demand to be arrested – this will cost, oh, let’s say, conservatively, since Rick is a conservative he says – $100,000,000, 000 — yes, $100 billion. OK, maybe only $50,000,000,000 – I don’t know. But whatever number it is – it is definitely 3 times the amount now spent on the entire criminal justice system in this nation today. If the 3,000,000 incarcerated folks now costs X amount of dollars – then 10,000,000 more gay folks will quadruple the population in prison. Why, it’ll be XXX dollars, oddly & ironically so.

OK, then there’s the incarceration itself. For how long will we be put in for? Let’s say 5 years per smooch – or doesn’t Ricky have his penalties all set for us to peruse? Has he not crafted the legislation he wants so dearly? If one is running for office on an “Arrest all the gay people” platform, I would suppose that the law is written already; I would hope a man who claims to see the peril has the solution in hand. This man says we are such a dire threat that we are destroying families, and the nation itself, right now, as we live and breathe! Oh, the horrors! He’s sure of it, he says, repeatedly, like a supposedly wounded child crying wolf to mommy. Com’n Rick, do elucidate the exact words of the law you want, so that I might consider voting for you to effect your mystical plan to rid the streets of gay folks. And my father too! For surely he’s going to vote for you to incarcerate his son whom he quite enjoys. Sure Rick, you got it.

Or is it to be the old Louisiana standard of 10 years at hard labor – a law so laughably unenforced that the police themselves guarded the gay bars of Louisiana to keep us safe from people like, um, like Rick Santorum. And all the while there was a quite clear law against being gay! Why, in Alexandria Louisiana, a small, small city in mid-state, the gay bar was right across the street from the State Police troop’s regional headquarters. When I inquired at the bar about this, my perceived anomaly, I was informed by the cute bartender that “Oh, no, they protect us from crazed Christians. And they’ll give you a ride home if you’re too drunk to drive, too.” And other such niceties and accolades for the local gendarmes. And that was when Louisiana had the law that Rick wants. But this time, oh no Rick, we won’t just sit back and take this crap – we’ll demand to be arrested!

OK, so now there’s 10,000,000 gay folks in jail – which means we’d have to build three times as many prisons as we currently have. And the prisons we have are so filled to overflowing that the courts and politicians are letting the prisoners go free! Violent crazed people who kill women and rape children. And he’s going to make room for the sissy smoochers who befoul his mind? Why, there’s not enough money in the system now to take care of the 3,000,000 incarcerated now – and Santorum wants to add 10,000,000 more? Is the man that friggin’ crazy?

Let’s say its $30,000 a year to keep a gay guy in jail – oh, I’ve heard various figures about how much it costs to keep a man incarcerated – from a low of $25,000 to a high of a $100,000 various figures are bandied about. I’m sure they take in different particulars and so I’ll shoot for the lower number, for if Rick is so opposed to us as to want to rid us from the streets and pull us out of our jobs and houses and families and wreck our lives than I doubt he’ll spend on the high side in his “Gay Man Incarceration Rule Book” that he’s surely got ready to go. Or will he leave that to say his new “Gay Men In Jail” Czar. Surely he’ll need a whole new agency to manage the 10,000,000 of us, no? I mean, the combined justice, police and courts systems at the federal, state, city and county level can barely handled the 3,000,000 prisoners we got now – what sort of bureaucracy will Santorum need to keep the 10,000,000 gays in jail forever?

So 10,000,000 times $30,000 is $300,000,000,000 – yes, $300 billion a year to keep gays in jail and off the street. Or maybe he’ll be more brutal than his Medieval outlook he shows already, and cut the cost to $200,000,000,000 a year. He’s crazy enough, I’ll cut him a break – $200 billion a year to imprison hairdressers.

And it will be forever. We’ll be recidivists of astounding proportions, I’d dare say, oh, 100% – for we’ll still be gay. Or will Ricky spend a few additional hundreds of billions on ex-gayness? Will he hire Marcus Bachmann as the Secretary of Ex-Gays? Think about it – it’ll take a confounded Cabinet level position to round us all up, adjudicate our status, process us, jail us, keep us in jail forever (and boy, will that be a Club Ted of astounding proportions. Why, we’d never get out, for we’d be committing crimes right there in jail!) and attempt to change us – (It’ll take a gun to my head, and even not then,) and not to mention the societal costs of mothers wailing and siblings wondering why their gay brother can’t come home for Thanksgiving, and grieving aunts and uncles wondering about the fine lad. For family values! Santorum is that moronic to think that removing gay people from our own families will be good for everyone! The moron.

What are the societal costs of removing 10,000,000 productive people from society, Rick? What is the cost of the lost jobs and taxes? How many billions in economic activity will be gone forever? And not to mention, all the waiters, hairdressers, clothes designers, fashion mavens, interior designers and little theater and Broadway show folks – all gone – for your heathen belief that we’re a danger to society. You sir, are so crazy as to be beyond belief. I can’t even fathom your level of stupidity on this issue.

But, still, there you are, Rick Santorum — running for president on the NO GAYS! Platform – at a cost of trillions, who knows? — Incalculable really. How wacko are you, sir?

But if you’re going to jail me, jail me with this:

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1 Comment

  1. I’m gonna laugh if Ricky boy turns out to be a flaming homosexual himself. He needs to be butt raped lol

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