The Tea Party Gay Guy’s Dilemma

A few days ago I put a crazy post, about gay guys getting guns to defend ourselves against the coming onslaught. And I went a bit ballistic at a certain website. Boy did that raise some eyebrows! And why? Because it goes against the grain. Just like being a gay guy who is a Tea Party enthusiast goes against the grain. But why should this go against the grain? After all, there is no such thing as a “gay” position on any subject under the sun, except of course, let us people go, leave us alone, and for heaven’s sake, stop trying to shove us all over to the Democrat Party which is no more gay friendly than the Republican Party. And definitely don’t think you’re going to solve the problems of this nation by blaming it all on the gay folks.

The idea that being gay is some political position is ludicrous. There are gay folks all over this globe of ours, and somehow I don’t think what a Peruvian, Indonesian or Ugandan gay guy, or one in any other country on earth truly follows what happens between the DnR we have here. And what a cute acronym – DNR – do not resuscitate. That’s right, do not resuscitate the Democrats or the Republicans. Both parties have led us to this morass, they are in league with each other as the Demopublican Party. Many sites I go to, such as are quite unhappy with virtually everyone running for office, except Palin, of course. The rest, ah, peas in the rotten pod of more government.

Still, we, as gay men and women, have nothing to do with the IRS, the tax code, the deficit, the defense posture of the nation, cap-and-trade, global warming, the Department of Education, or the rest of the federal behemoth. There’s no “gay” position on divorce, abortion or “family values” except that we’re embedded in our families. Indeed, I write this early AM in my sister’s kitchen, and I’m off today to see aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids in Boston, before I go pick up my nephew in Nova Scotia from his round the world trip on the – and when I get back I’ll be seeing dozens more aunts, uncles & cousins, and my father and brother are coming north for the big family party in July. And my family has known for decades I’m just not going to be making any babies. Not going to happen. No, not even with a gun to my head, trust me on that.

Still, some people were freaked that I said “gays, get a gun!” Aw, some gay guy dares say he’ll defend himself. Such a shame, perhaps, that I just won’t tolerate the nonsense said about us, eh? And why should I? Where in the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution does it say that a gay guy has to listen to utter garbage that supposedly is “thought” on gay folks? I can find nothing. But I do find the 10th Amendment – those powers not given to the Federal Government belong to the states, or to the people. And when I look at state constitutions I don’t find a word about gay folks. Hell, even the mini-DOMAs don’t mention gay people – but for “free speech” they want to ban the use of the word “marriage” to me, and deny that there are gay couples. Lalalala – sure, stick your head in the sand; that’s rational, yah. Meanwhile, I know gay couples that have been together for longer than all the combined six marriages of Newt and Donald. Whom are those two poseurs for family values? What hypocrites. And what’s with that idiot Stacey Campbell, he of gender confused name, wanting to outlaw the use of the word “gay”? What a friggin’ freak.

Yet, what I have to do is make sure that gay folks are included in the resurgence of the nation economically, and spiritually too – spiritual in the re-establishment of the idea that the people rule this nation, not the government, and certainly not the political parties, and without a doubt not any one particular religion or Christian denomination. The nation is about liberty for all, not just most of everyone. And so when I hear that Rick Santorum (always remember, of course, the creep) that he wants to outlaw gay folks – oh, he says it’s just the sex, of course, but how does he plan to effect the enforcement of the law he wants? How does he plan on stopping us? With what police state? This is liberty? To bring in the police to knock on doors and arrest sissies for smooching? So that 95% of the nation can rest easy knowing that 5% of the nation is incarcerated in the weirdest Club Med ever devised by the folly of man?

We already have 1% or 2% of the nation in prisons or something like that – one of the highest incarceration rate in the world, up there with China and Cuba for God’s sake. This is for Liberty? To arrest everyone? What a friggin’ communist. And GOProud? What on earth do they do? I have no clue – I have yet to see a one on any political site saying a word. And you know what really bothers me? The Huffington Post’s “gay page” – what a bunch of morons – all they show are two hands, picture after picture of two hands – and no people. It’s just a different body part than Weiner, but not a whole person – and yet they show the full face of every opponent to gay existence – and this is “for” me? Yeesh, give me a break. And I only know that because from time to time Huffington links to me – I have no idea how they find me, I certainly don’t send them anything that’s for sure. I don’t comport with socialists to well. Perhaps it was having relatives who lived through the Communist onslaught in the Czech Republic, kdo ja muzu mluvit ceske dobre dost pro rozumit co bude delat kdyz kommunisti maji urad. (Nothing like speaking a foreign language eh?)

And I also must move all the gay folks I can reach to the Tea Party idea of dismantling most of the federal government, and most of the state governments too. Every single gay guy I know (and I know two lesbians, and one tranny, and no bisexuals, whatever they are,) complains about taxes, and since most of us own businesses or are freelancers of some sort or another, they complain about the regulations and the endless compliance with petty bureaucrats. And I brought Barry Goldwater to the young man at – (he catalogs the daily assault by religious freaks upon gay folks,) somehow I don’t think that 20-something ever heard of Goldwater; but he’s a-learning. He’s learning about my hetero tea party adventures, too. And I have made the young man at to really start to think about the larger picture, and not just to whine about the Republicans. I’m doing what I can.

For it’s not a simple divide between Democrats are pro-gay and Republicans are anti-gay – there’s no factual data for that, that’s for sure. Not if NY State Senator Ruben Diaz is any evidence of it, for there was that man holding some unholy rally in the Bronx, with a sea of Democrats all around, and preachers saying horrendous stuff to great applause, including one who was quite sure that gays are “worthy of death.” I mean really, for a member of the party “for” me is calling for my death, and not a senior Democrat uttered a word and told him to shush is quite astounding to me. Of course, Obama is “evolving” on gay nuptials by any name – yah, sure, in 1994 he was all for it, now he’s not. Meanwhile, Gary Johnson, Republican candidate for president, is for gay marriage itself, by some word or another.

And in melding two disparate bunches together, for Liberty, less taxes, less regulations, less government, it is quite romp in the park. I must defend gay people against nastiness on both sides of the political elite’s aisle, and I must make gay people wake up and smell some coffee – when the inflation hits – as it is already, but will get worse, we’re going to be hit too. And when the gasoline price skyrockets, then I must point out, “Well, you voted for the man who wanted to raise all the energy prices and bankrupt the coal companies.” And when some hairdresser I know complains about some onerous new regulation about the disposal or use of hair perm treatments, what can I say – “Oh yah, stop voting Democrat.” They’re as tired of listening to me as perhaps the heteros are of my “Let my people go.”

My gay friends, starting long ago, when I was a 20 year old Goldwater Republican Libertarian, have had to listen to me lambaste the ever growing reach of the government into our private and social and business lives. They’re rather tired of it, I assure you. And when I started on the hustings two years ago, after a 20 year absence, (I sort of gave up in 1986 when my smooching was confirmed to be some crime of horrendous proportions which no one did a blessed thing about; the law there just to be nasty, and me smooching away,) well, then, it became clear that this was going to be a harder nut to crack than one would think. I’m game, however, for I do believe in less government, less taxes, less regulations. I would dismantle most of the federal government tomorrow morning at 9 AM. I’ve said it for three decades now – but what am I to do? I’m just this guy, fed up with the whole kit and kaboodle. And so I bitch, to everyone – stop this juggernaut to the socialist paradise they think exists, with the government running everything. But I’m sure not going to listen to endless crap about how gay guys are somehow tearing down the country; that’s for sure.

And so, what has been my success rate, or progress? Well, I’ve found a lot of tea party folks of very like mind with me – (I’m separating the wheat from the chaff as best I can) – it ain’t the gays who are the problem – it’s the government. And I found a lot of gay guys and the two gals, who are equally fed up – and so I’m moving them to the Tea Party. And if I have to get dramatic to do so, I will. And if I have to be pushy, well, then that too. But I’m certainly not going to listen to any of the dwarfs of the Republican Party elite – and especially not Newt, Rick, Mitt, Michelle Bachmann, Tim Pawlenty and whomever, tell me that I’m the cause of what ails them. No, not at all. That’s just nuts, to think I’m going to vote Republican just so I can be hounded all the days of my life. And I’m certainly not going to vote for Obama, nor a Democrat – I voted for exactly two Democrats in my life – Ed Koch as Mayor of New York, and Edwin Edwards as Governor of Louisiana (the latter only because the only other choice was the Nazi, David Duke – talk about your zugzwang eh?) [Oh, go learn how to play chess, if you want to know what zugzwang is, I’m tried of cultural illiterates, too.]

And so that’s where I’m at – a guy who has to tread a fine line between two allegedly very different groups, who are not different at all – but only the perception of difference is there. And if the Republicans and the Tea Party had a lick of sense they wouldn’t be trying to push me and mine away (and as the most politically in tune in my family, I come with 60 some votes.) But hey, it’s your country too – and if you all think you can do it alone, and then come after me, well, then, about that gun thing.



  1. Well said, as always. And your post made me think that it would be really interesting if a major campaign was mounted to get ALL Gay folks guns. Not mounting a militia, but simply armed and trained.

    The Right might have their eyes opened, and the Left wouldn’t know whether to (ahem) shit or go blind.

  2. The Homophobophobe

    We should be the ones running the Tea Parties. Same-sex couples get screwed by the IRS because we can’t get tax breaks that married heteros can get on taxes that shouldn’t be levied in the first place. Besides, we’re the ones who can pick out the best tea sets.

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