Let us learn all about family values from Arnold (R)

The country’s economics are a mess, and the press is right on the story. Well, no, they’re not.

Ah, what a fine time to be alive. The entertainment and hypocrisy given when politicians of all kinds do the darnedest things. Schwartzenegger is of course the man of the hour, and a Republican too! — for child out of wedlock and cheating and lying and abandoning the poor kid too. Who knows what else? He’s hoping we don’t find out of course. I’m sure there’s more, and the media to get to the very bottom of it is now trying to track down and hound some poor 13 year old kid who had the misfortune of having a fine father who said “I’ll be back,” and didn’t return. The media is of course ignoring the real story – California is broke – and Schwartz is out of office and so who cares other than the prurient? I’ll try to avoid reading as much as I can about it. But it’ll be at all the supermarket counters. Thanks Arnold for lousing up even a grocery story visit.

Competing with ol’ man muscles is Dominique Strauss Kahn or somebody now known as DSK, like it’s a brand name for a new line of fashion or something. He’s in jail for having attempted rape or something. The media, instead of investigating what exactly Mr. DSK does for a living, like in raping and pillaging billions of dollars through the IMF is now hot on the trail of the poor damsel who had the misfortune for being in the same room as the lecherous socialist who spends like a wanton drunken fat cat robber baron for the good of the people. The French are said to be enraged that a mere rape charge should be the downfall of a man – they demand to know whom the hussy was who dared let the hand of such a great man as he get close.

And Elliot Spitzer, redeemed from prostitution and now giving opinions on the sanctity of married life and family and the importance of it all. Senator Ensign is of course a beacon of rectitude now that the headlights and possible prosecution are upon him. Rick Santorum is involved for not having alerted the authorities to the crimes, and for not having supported the jilted husband on the first party, nor the jilted wife of the second party, and for actually have alerted the criminal and adulterer to his upcoming 15 minutes of fame. John Edwards wallows somewhere where he hopes he will not be seen and more outrageous scandals come to light. He’s been helped, indeed.

Then there was the Governor of South Carolina, off to Argentina for a tango with a lady not his wife; I’m not sure if he’s still married for the sanctity or even if he’s still in office. I’m sure he is, for such things are a perk of office apparently. Even the wives aren’t giving up any governor’s mansion for a fling by hubby.

I heard recently that Monica Lewinsky still pines for Bill Clinton, who is of course a phenom in the marital fidelity sweepstakes and hasn’t been seen near his wife for months. Why, he brought the issue to the public fore, as adultery and such should be done – and then signed a law against sissy smooching for good measure, so as to make sure that the heteros stayed pure and chaste and on the narrow path to death do us part.

Speaking of death and parting, a fine mother from Texas did go all the way to Maine to kill her six year old son and leaving his as body unattended roadkill for the buzzards on a dirt road. The poor lady may have been distraught that a gay couple somewhere in Massachusetts was tying the knot. And now she’s on the “suicide” watch list, so knots are forbidden to her, I’m sure, though who cares if she kills herself at this point? Will she be missed? Not by her dead son. It’ll save the state money too, and there’s probably something in the Bible about killing those who kill, I’m pretty sure there is.

The boy of course joins a long line of kids killed by parents – seems to be a near daily thing. And oh, the kidnappings and molestings! If the Attorney General of Oregon is right it’s some 750,000 poor kids a year molested. And the clergy know of this, for many of them are doing the molesting, at a clip of oh, one every 3 or 4 weeks being found out, which means there must be more lurking in the shadows. Though these are just regular people for family values of some kind or another, no doubt taught to them by the politicians and their fine ways.

And Newt can teach us about marriage for he’s done it so many times. Tiger can tell us the evils and perils of multiple partners. And Donald Trump is of course also no slouch in the family way, three of them already, he likes them so much. John McCain turned in the old model for a brand new one. So did Bob Dole. The numbers of these guys who changed horses mid race to heaven is quite amazing.

Not to mention the general populace, they’re getting divorced at a 50% rate. Not to mention the unwed mothers and kid abandoning fathers in the “I’ll be back” mold. And the kid killing with abortion is even more astounding. Oh, it might be one thing for a few hundred mothers each year to kill their kids outside of a clinic, but to do so inside a clinic – that’s professional, and good, supposedly, for someone, but not the kid, of course.

Then there’s the throw away kids. Legions of kids in adoption agencies and orphanages and state schools and homes for the parentless. Not to mention the wives killed, and husbands murdered. It’s quite a show. And all this I learn daily from the press, which does seem to lap it up. Like a drunk in a bar with free booze, the press’s motto is “if it bleeds it leads” – thanks for giving us the daily compendium of human nature and barely a word about the problems which affect us all.

And, yet, so it would seem to me that there’s a whole lot of problems in the family arena. So why isn’t the “Family Research Council” demanding the outlawing of adultery and the enforcement of those laws for the family? Why isn’t the National Organization for Marriage not demanding the end to divorce? Why is Ruben Diaz not on the Courthouse steps in the Unwed Mom Borough (Aka, the Bronx) screaming about his young men keeping their doohickies in their pants and the lassies with an aspirin held between their knees? Why is not one “family” “value” anything not on the hustings screaming about these issues? They are perhaps the biggest hypocrites. They scream “the gays – the gays” and we wonder what on earth?

For the garden variety politician gone bad or murdering mommas or death dealing dads is sort of human nature. No era has been free from such things. It’s just shocking because the press makes it sound like society is falling and if government doesn’t do something about it the world will end. But the “family” “values” bunch – they’re just hypocrites of breathtaking audacity. For they blame a tiny few for the sins of all the others. They are insistent that they must-needs the “right” to condemn us all our days and pass laws against us and demand we father children against our will with ladies we have no idea what to do with – or otherwise things might get out of hand and a governor leave his wife. It’s delusional, evil, unChristian and unAmerican. It’s also intellectually dishonest. And so what is anyone going to do about these false, ersatz, faux & poseurs for family values?

That the case in Prop 8 in California is called “Perry v. Schwartzenegger” – to protect and preserve and save and defend marriage – is an irony not lost on me. Espeically given Ms Shriver’s (say, why isn’t she “Mrs. Schwartzenegger” for tradition? Reminds of Maggie Gallagher, another pick and choose which tradition to follow people) – anyway, given the Mrs Arnold’s new found liberty to pursue a more suitable husband. I’m available, Ms. Shriver, and I’m told I must be straight in a fortnight or be gone! Will you marry me?

Nah, wouldn’t work, my boyfriend would complain.

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