Gay guy strikes terror in San Francisco!

Gay guy strikes terror in San Francisco! Oh, the irony of that line, eh? The gay guy struck a blow against terror indeed. Struck it right down and handcuffed it with “plastic” handcuffs – why not metal? Oh yes, apparently a “male flight attendant” tackled a real live terrorist on a flight coming into San Francisco. The article on Page 6A of my morning paper is titled: “Passenger attacks airliner cockpit, seized.”

Yes, a real live terrorist, a guy named Rageh Almurisi – with a Yemeni passport and screaming Allah Ackbar! as he ran up and pounded on the secured (one hopes) cockpit door. And a “male flight attendant” tackled him! I’m tickled. For I’m like, oh, 90% sure, that said male was flighty indeed. Time will tell, as pictures of the hero emerge. Our gaydar will go beep beep beep. And maybe many in the nation’s less functional gaydar will do so too. Maybe the dude will step forward with his husband or something, to you know, really make it clear. Again, time will tell.

It is absolutely irrelevant to the story of course. Just as a female flight attendant’s marital status would be equally irrelevant. The relevant part is that an American citizen tackled a foreign citizen, who was screaming “Allah Ackbar!” as he tried to clearly do some evil thing. Panicking a bunch of passengers on a plane is without doubt an evil thing to do. Oh, makes no difference if it was even just a spur of the moment thing, you know, his coffee was cold or his cookies stale, turning his rage at the airline for the audacity of it all. There’s sometimes reported some unruly passenger, sometimes even congressmen. But no, this is not “unruly.” This is “striking terror” without a doubt. And the “male flight attendant” struck him down and saved the day.

Now starts the nonsense of course. For instance, he will be given all the most amazing legal rights in the world in the very nation he wants to destroy so such legal rights don’t exist. Quite a bit of hubris claiming constitutional rights from the Constitution you want to get rid of. And of course, it will be examined whether he was really wanting to bring the plane down, or just had a momentary lapse of good judgment, for we are in politically correct times. And was he carrying anything? You know, materials? And just what exactly was a Yemeni – a man from one of the poorest countries on earth with no visible reason to have a relationship with the United States at all when one thinks about it – doing on a flight to San Francisco from Chicago? Was this man in Chicago doing business of some sort? The minute you think of a Yemeni guy here in America you’ve got to wonder what he could be doing, no?

How could he have learned English? Why did he emigrate from his own fine traditional culture he still seems to want to preach about? How does the 28 year old afford the house in Vallejo California, to which it’s said he was returning – we know because he had a California ID on him, which too, why? Why are Yemeni nationals getting California Ids? These are the questions that will be looked at I hope, because somehow it doesn’t seem like a good idea to be having immigrants from Yemen at this point.

Which sounds pretty xenophobic. But it isn’t. It’s respecting their culture, by letting them stay there, where they can go around screaming Allah Ackbar! all the live long day. Even in airports and airplanes if it’s necessary for their peace of mind. What skills can a Yemeni bring this nation? What insight into anything? From what major corporation there is he bringing the goods? Or is he here just to learn all about us? Well, I dare say he’s concluded that we’re none too nice at all, and Allah Ackbar! Right at ya’. I’m just not sure that we should be having anyone from Yemen, no, not at this point.

Alas, the “male flight attendant” might well be being denied certain inalienable rights of happiness under the Constitution, because of that DOMA thingy. And DOMA is all because the Family Research council and Tony Perkins and the whole shebang of the NO GAYS movement screaming their own version of Allah Ackbar! as they attack us endlessly as the “domestic terrorists” they insist we are.

Now, what can they say about this “male flight attendant”? Hmm? Or is it common for “domestic terrorists” to join the nation they seek to destroy when some measly foreign terrorist comes along to muck up our dastardly plan to make all the men wear pink shirts and move the nation’s capital to San Francisco? Perhaps that’s why the “male flight attendant” tackled the foreign terrorist – he was saving the new national capital, which to be as soon as we complete our plan to take over the nation and prevent any more heterosexuals from ever getting married nor a child be born (Though that would stop the teenage pregnancy problem and the divorce problem, no?) and turning over the 150,000,000 men in the nation to us 5 or 10 million adult gay men for indoctrination into our lifestyle. It’s quite a plan Tony thinks we have – or what else could he be thinking? Nah, the man is bonkers like any ol’ Allah Ackbar! screamer one encounters on any flight.

And so we have the bizarre situation of a crazed man, perhaps with a wife, it’s not said, but he can get married anyway, just as soon as the trial is over, wrecking havoc on the nation and a real live terrorist, however unsuccessful he might be, actually having a dash more constitutional rights that the real live American who saved the day. Now, that’s just unfair. And somebody ought to do something about the two problems:

Letting foreigners from terrorist filled lands from entering the nation at all – there’s nothing Yemen has that we need, at most some myrrh and frankensence – not a good enough import business to warrant any commercial relationship. If they need to learn about America, let us go there to teach them.

And DOMA – chuck it. Real Terrorists should not have more legal rights than American citizen heroes.



  1. ted

    Hey! Here’s an idea. Maybe if the gays want rights we could assign a point value to their heroics – For example, stopping a terrorist from bringing down an airplane, one quarter of a point. Disarming a nuke, a quarter point. Throwing yourself on a live grenade, quarter point. Ten points earns full and equal rights, including something as good as and equal to but not marriage. Dying in the pursuit of heroics could be made to be worth an extra quarter point.

    We could also settle this Doma/DADT thing the way the Ayatollah settled the issue of westernized students returning to Iran – he merely sent them to the front lines in the war with Iraq, without weapons. Any gay person that wants to marry (or have other rights) goes to the front lines of whatever war is convenient. I am sure Tony Perkins would drop all of his opposition to Gays in the Military if there was a guarantee of nasty hand to hand (fighting).

  2. ted

    And there is a Christian historical precedent – after all David sent Bathsheba’s husband to die on the front lines so he could have her. Nevermind that this angered God. It got the job done. But as a template for dealing with enemies and husbands of women you desire, it is hard to beat. WOuld work for gays just fine. But I don’t think all heterosexuals are like that, are they? I mean, it is in the Bible. So it must be true for all.

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