BP oil spill one year later & Dolly Parton

Which is more important — the BP oil spill or a Dolly Parton a gay love song, please?

I could talk about the disparity between this happy report about the Gulf oil spill at


which I didn’t really bother to read because I’m sure it says some variant of the usual mush. It’s so predictable, so who cares? Perhaps it’s even Bush’s fault. Or, if a Good Christian is quoted, the gay guys’ fault, you know, for living in peace in New Orleans and resurrecting the place as I saw just the past few days …….

……. And this report of worry and misery at http://www.bestofneworleans.com which talks about the medical problems of many people who are down here on the Gulf and the denied culpability of all whom are praised in the first article for doing good things. Yes, quite important disparity, for the nation – and this region — is suffering in entirety from the disaster.

Alas, I’m sure, both articles and all the rest as the one year anniversary is here, are, in the immortal words of Gary Gates of Gay Counting fame, when referring to disparate reports even at conflict with each other: One could make the argument that they’re all credible.

On the other hand, the respective news outlets might have an editorial agenda. And I don’t mind that they do. Indeed, I much more respect a publication which has an agenda than I do some mealy mouthed claim to “objective” reporting. No such animal. Though they do pretend, don’t they? Not me. I got me an agenda.

Ah, for the days when newspapers called each other nasty names – oh wait, we have that – the internet. And when one thinks about it, if one is historically literate, than one realizes now is comparable to then. Then being that starting in the late 1500s in Northern Italy there began to appear printed sheets with news and gossip from travelers and locals. These appeared soon enough in all of Italy, and France and Spain, and well from Oslo to Athens. And of course, neither Church nor King was amused, and so worked to gain control and squash the freedom of the press. And many such sheets routinely called the other sheets lying hussies and worse. Alas, such is the manifest energies of people that these sheets turned into newspapers which called each other lying hussies by the 1700s and by the 1900s they were in full swing all over the world calling each other lying hussies. Many cities had four-five-six-more newspapers calling each other and everyone else lying hussies. Why, it’s was just so internet, amazingly so.

And of course, other than America and England and a few other places to lesser degree, Church and King were not amused. And now we have the Internet. And lo, all over the world, Church and King – oh, but by other names sometimes today, like oh, “President for Life” like Hugo Chavez or “Supreme and Exalted Leader of the Libyan People” or something, you know, for the diversity of it all, well, they are not amused either. Not much has changed.

No, I think it’s wonderful there’s this great Babel calling each other lying hussies. I do enjoy adding my own little bit of ruckus. Like this – which is just the best, about which I’ve been thinking more – which about more in a day or so – www.spreadingsantorum.com. The lying hussy. Oh, to be alive in the 1500s and do the same thing, eh? Such as it is. But still, yes, the agenda. Everyone should have one. Indeed, life itself is the manifestation of an agenda. To study this or that in school, to enter this or that industry or profession, to live here or there, and to find a prospective mate. Indeed, all humans are driven to the prospective mate. Some of us, however, a few, do insist “militantly” and “radically” on our own choice of mate, irrespective of other people’s approval or not.

Something about liberty and the pursuit of happiness I think it is. Inalienably so, I’m told by all whom condemn me for doing just that – pursuing my happiness in peaceful constructive productive accord and liberty with my fellow citizens. Though, some, when finding out my particular pursuit, do get, um, shall we say, like Church and King: less than amused. Oh well. It’s not their call.

And so in pursuit of that agenda — which is unrelated to whether BP, the Government, Obama, Ken Salazar, Bobby Jindal or anyone else involved in that mess is at fault for this or that – which is best encapsulated by the famous extra verse at the end of Peter Allen Cole’s country song: momma got run over by a big ol’ train in her pick up truck after getting out of prison. That is, nothing new in those pages. It’s just a recap of the upcoming endless years of litigation. I’m not involved, other than to the degree in which I’m taxed to help resolve the mess.

However, well, this other agenda item of mine – I’m going to ask Dolly Parton to write a gay love song. She’s got a zillion gay fans; she says she likes us. She’s got the hearts and minds of many straight Americans, too. She’s a respected voice for reason and marriage, and love in this nation. And I saw at http://www.izzoiz.com/2011/04/long-term-couples-celebrated-in-miami.html that there was a very long term relationship – 48 years – similar to Ms. Parton’s long term relationship, well, then. And I heard a lady today on some canned country music station pleading for a song about single mothers. Of which one was provided forthwith by the DJ and by some country music lady start I know not. Yet, single mothers, family values – yeah – for many a father doth abandon his own children and wife whom he said he would not part until death – for the sanctity of the second, or third marriage of course, (Don, Newt, why? Do tell. I Ask.) Or just shacking up without a peep from the Family Research Council whom is bizarrely sure that the only threat to marriage is gay folks.

I recall that sometime about oh, 15 years ago, Alan Jackson, or some other country star sang a song about a gay guy. Just one gay guy, but still. I can’t recall who sang it, but Jackson comes to mind in recollection, and I recollect mighty good. In looking for a reference which I couldn’t find for the song I recall I discovered that he’s married to his high school sweetheart for 28 years. Even if he did philander a bit from time to time, but hey, true love right? Open marriage after the fact in a sense, rather than a prenup sort that many a gay couple might do, but hey, family values nonetheless. So he’s a good candidate to do the song too. As is Kenny Chesney, just because he’s hot and from Louisiana and is partial to extraordinary tight pants to which I’m not opposed. Or Randy what’s his face who could use a resurrection of his career and such a song would get a bit of publicity, ya think? If Gary Gates of Gay Counting exactitude is correct I know 2,491,034 gay guys who would buy a copy.

So here’s the rough idea, for I’m no lyricist. They pay me not to sing. Still, here’s the key:

Bryan & Kevin

tryin’ and prayin’

cryin’ and sayin’

flyin’ and playin’

living and loving

dyin’ and heaven

Work in a few words about Jesus loves the gay folks too. And perhaps a fag bash moment, for the country reality of it all, as exhibited on video just the other day at a South Carolina store as a mob of men descended upon a gay (maybe) guy in a fury of beating such that Peter Sprigg got off on it, and Maggie Gallagher chalked one up for her team too. See oh, the nation’s media for that one – start at www.bilerico.com or www.towleroad.com – lest the mainstream “Pro-gay” chimera of a media forget to mention it as they are wont to do on flagrant anti-gay stuff, while giving platform to anti-gay people and only showing pushy gay people and never decent gay folks doing good and living calmly and holding hands or heaven’s forfend kissing! Not that they have an agenda, no.

And yes, you can bring up momma, the pickup, drinking, prison, and all the rest too, for what would a country song be without it eh? Hell, throw in Daddy’s beatings and suicide too.

But just conclude with some real lovin’ like that Ft. Lauderdale couple in the parade.

Just for the reality and family values of it all.

And if it changes a bunch of minds and hearts, great. For that will lessen the number of gay court cases. Which is good because 1) they’re pointless, other than to be cruel and nasty – and 2) I think the BP-Obama-Salazar-Jindal Oil Spill will soon occupy enough of the good courts’ time. Which do you think is more important?

So if you know how to reach Dolly or Allan or Kenny or Randy – well, get to work. We got an agenda here. I’m just the idea man.

And if you know anything about oil clean up, apparently we could use you here too.


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