Family Research Council clarity: outlaw gay folks.

Here’s a video of Peter Sprigg, “senior policy analyst” of the poorly named “Family Research Council” saying that gay “behavior” should be outlawed. It was sometime ago recently on the Chris Matthews show, and I don’t really watch TV, but well, the internet does hurl out some interesting things:

Now, this is a guy who is talking to every politician he can reach. And many, sadly, are listening, instead of telling him to shoo and be gone for being a moron. Such is the political environment which we gay folks must navigate. This is what I have to waste my time on? On a beautiful spring day? Stopping this moron is getting to be a full time job. This is what I have to worry about as the gas prices rise so high? That I might be outlawed if I don’t speak up? How blisteringly unproductive. Thanks you idiot, Mr. Sprigg, for screwing with my day and wasting my valuable time and resources that could be put to better use working for me, friends, family and the nation. Just so you can get your sick and demented jollies out.

Going on national TV, even if it’s the not much watched MSNBC network, and calmly saying “outlaw” me is just bonkers. And that’s what Spriggs wants to do – he wants to outlaw me, Jim Hlavac, author of this blog. I do take it personally. Be sure of it. For I wonder, what the hell did I do to him that’s got him so riled up? I can’t think of a thing. I never even met the man. But there he is, working 50 hours or more a week to stop me doing whatever he thinks I’m doing. The man doesn’t even know where I live, and yet my “behavior” apparently bothers him. He’s rather obsessed by the whole thing of what he thinks I do and when I might be doing it. Though he really has no blessed clue of any of it. And yet he clearly states here “Outlaw Gay Behavior.” And I’m like, what? You pay your mortgage and feed your kids by calling for my arrest? What a louse.

Sprigg is delusional if he thinks he can stop or prevent me from thinking my thoughts by outlawing gay “behavior.” To borrow and mangle a Matthews line – you can’t outlaw my leg tingling. It’s natural behavior. It’s gay alright. For my leg tingles not for the ladies. Not at all; never has. My body behaves quite gayly at the mere sight of a hottie, however. Perhaps Mr. Sprigg believes that by outlawing my thoughts, he can put his own thoughts into mine. The old switcheroo, I guess. He aims to “cure” me, he demands it, even. He thinks I’m a ham, perhaps. Though I want not to be “cured,” for there’s nothing much to cure at all anyway. And he will tell me tough, he has claimed the right to “cure” me, on behalf of society even. It’s lunatic. Who the hell does he think he is? I mean really, who died and left him king?

He says I’m a danger to society. Me personally! Of this he is sure. Whom else could he be talking about? I’m the gay guy around here. But a danger? Giggle. He’s just got no proof other than his own weird ideas. Where he gets them from I don’t know; he’s never met me I don’t think. Now, Sprigg says this stuff daily. Not just on TV, but other places, and probably every chance he gets: Outlaw Jim, outlaw Jim. I wonder if he uses my name? Or is it just this thing in the air he refers to? And I’m sure he speaks about me in the deep councils of the group that can’t find the gay person in my family. Nor can they find any families with gay sons and daughters.

And not a gay person who makes a family with another gay person. Nor any gay person as an individual who is anything other than “radical” or a “militant.” He is wholly obsessed with this thing which doesn’t exist – the “militant and radical homosexual lobby.” He is sure I belong to this lobby, and I can’t recall paying any dues to it, nor appointing a spokesperson for me, either. Nope, I did not hire an agent to patrol the halls of power on my behalf. I have never even contributed a dime to a “gay rights” group. I’ve long said, no such thing. There’s only American & Individual Rights – and Mr. Sprigg would deny me mine. Quite a putz about it too.

Is the man quite sure I’m a menace to society because I wrote two books, one with my dad, and one for my mom? Which took care of that Commandment of the Lord. While Mr. Sprigg is breaking the “Don’t Bear False Witness” Commandment of the Lord every single day of his life. Barely a word beyond “the” is not a lie from that man’s mouth. Who’s the better Christian? Hint, not ol’ Petey.

And what does this Sprigg fellow think of my mother and father? What does he say to any of the moms and dads of the gay kids? I’ve never heard him say a word about our parents. But what must he think of them for having created the little monsters he’s now sure are wrecking his life, my my. Perhaps he should outlaw them too, eh? For they did behave somewhat poorly if they created me, the menace to civilization and Peter Sprigg’s happiness. Or maybe if he stopped thinking about me and my behavior and got a job he wouldn’t worry so much. Hell, maybe if he came on down and met me he’d find I’m a pretty nice guy and play the piano rather nicely too.

Speaking of Commandments of the Lord, I have never coveted my neighbor’s wife or maidservant, of this I’m sure. Nor have I committed adultery. I think even our pal Peter knows this too. Why is he not calling for the outlawing of adultery by the way? — There’s a Commandment against it, for Heaven’s sake. There’s no commandment referring to gay folks at all. But no, he’s obsessed with where I put my peter. Or which sprig I grab. Nor did I even have sex “before” marriage – for I’m not allowed to get married, and I’m not sure my “sex” is even “sex” in Peter’s mind. After all, if he’s so sure he must outlaw my “behavior,” he must think such behavior excludes wife coveting, eh? In fact, he wants me to covet maidservants, and covet a wife.

He’s quite sure he has the right to tell me how to pursue my happiness. I think he’d rather me commit adultery than be gay. He’s quite sure, even, that he has the right to just bully and badger me personally as a man forever, and to earn a living at it. Such a weird way to earn a buck. He’s so craven in his disregard for my contribution to society that he simply dismisses me as some chimera in the ether of the “homosexual agenda.”

Here, let me show Mr. Sprigg something. Let’s hope he gets it.

Mr. Sprigg, here’s a picture of a guy, just a guy, not any particular guy, nor a guy doing anything other than just standing there modeling some clothes – which even guys wear clothes, eh? So modeling them, and being a guy, well, there it is – he’s just there. There’s absolutely nothing sexual about the photo. Kodak estimated once, I recall, that there’s some 1 trillion old style physical photos on earth. I’m sure 100 million at least are just of guys just like this. So there’s nothing really “gay” about the photo.

Ah, but well, let’s just say my mind and body, my hormones and my heartbeat and my pulse, and nerve endings all over my body has now behaved very gayly tingly. And the only moral part about it is simply, don’t touch a peter or a sprig until given permission. I’d like to do it with the blessing of a church and the government, but no, they’re working on “outlawing” that too. Weird.

And I think – hey Peter, what do you think you can do about that? Are you really the thought police? You’re like out of some bad Manchurian Candidate movie remake, where you’re going to brainwash me of my thoughts. What a fool. Or do you only aim to send the police in only when I meet the man in the picture in person? When does gay behavior even start? Do we have to take our clothes off? Or is it when we do a moment’s kissy-huggy thingy, like a French president, when greeting our pals? How will you, Sprigg, delineate what the outlawed behavior be? Will there be a list – oh, you know – Holding hands? How many years will that get me in prison, Sprigg? And does America have enough money and cops and prisons to arrest us all and haul us off to the apt named pokey? “What are you in for?” — “holding hands.” It’s mind boggling.

Watching the man spew this absurdity, I notice he says it with a scrunched up face. As if he knows that what he says is just so ridiculous. It’s not going to happen. Why is anyone listening to him? I mean, I suppose he’ll get a few legislators to submit the bills to do so. Why, Texas, Kansas and Montana all voted to keep their unconstitutional “outlaw gay behavior” language. I suppose a dumb cop who is enthralled with the message of Peter Sprigg is going to arrest some gay guy one day for “behaving” gay. And that will be a good place to start the climb up the judicial ladder to revisit Lawrence v. Texas which outlawed “outlaw gay behavior” laws.

Meanwhile me and the rest of us gay folks are contributing mightily to society with barely a peep beyond “Don’t Tread On Us Either.”

And then there’s this sad lonely unsuccessful deluded one note Sprigg fellow, bleating “outlaw the gays” “outlaw the gays.” Daily, hourly, every chance he gets, “outlaw the gays.” It’s too funny. You know, he’s just a really poor excuse for a man. He’s not an American thinker. He’s a Medieval man. And he needs professional help. And to stop wasting everybody’s time.



  1. Ted balswin

    Typically with a person such as you describe, the full quote is “outlaw the gays, before I am tempted”.

  2. That is putting it very well. I often deal with the same subject matter. You seem to do a better job than me at From Top to Bottom…keep up the work, keep them coming…I enjoy it as I am sure thousands of others do.



  1. Family Research Council clarity: outlaw gay folks. « The Daily Mush | MyGaySpot

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