It’s the morality, not the legality

The Gay Discussion is really about our moral position in society, not legality.

As I pointed out in my article at the gay discussion is not some new thing. It’s been going on for six decades at least, it’s just sort of sped up. It’ll get faster yet. Nor is it just here in America. All over the world this discussion is taking place. Some places more horribly than others, say, here as compared to Uganda and such places. Prior to six decades ago nothing was really said about the subject. The law was the law, the gays were the gays. If they met, it was unfortunate only for the gay folks. It was simple, but never talked about publicly, unless a small article to announce to the public that one or more of us was arrested and taken off the streets.

It was all very personal to the men arrested, of course. And to those thrown out of their homes and chased away for family values. Or perhaps kept out of the church after he asked his pastor he knew all his life for guidance and was condemned with fire and brimstone of unimaginable proportions. At best there was a sullen recognition by the parents that their son was just not going to find the girl of their dreams; but no, they’d rather he did come home for Christmas. There would be children around, and well, you know. They might catch it. Those days are pretty much gone. When even Cardinal George of Chicago has to admit that this gay nephew is a “fine man” I’d say we’re not returning to those days.

And that’s the funny thing about the morality issue. It’s the mass confusion about the “cause” for gayness. That was evident in a week’s worth of comments at Flopping Aces. You people are all over the place on the reason. The legality is pretty simple once you come to one conclusion or another. No one has, so the legal stuff is quite a morass. And it won’t be cleaned up anytime soon short of an epiphany of sorts. I can sort of envision this discussion going on for another 50 years actually. I shall not live to see the end of it. Oh well, I do what I can now. But in the end it’ll be oh so much nicer. Oh to be young and gay again!

On the issue of morality, it was once certain that we were just wrong. Pretty much 100% of you believed we were sinners of the most horrendous sort; of committing crimes against nature even. We were demented and depraved, and psychologically crazy, and psychiatric cases, and child molesters, and heathens hellbent on the destruction of everything. We were accused, of course, of recruiting ever vaster numbers of fine heterosexual boys to be gay. I’d say in 1950 the general view was that we were just not to be viewed at all except in disgust. Not even pity was allowed, really.

Then the Friends of Dorothy got together. And the rest is history. For now we have convinced at least half the population, maybe more, that we’re just born this way and it’s just fine, if a bit different. Not quite what you want for anyone, but if you are, that’s OK. Sort of acceptance, but not quite. Some of you still demur. Some still think just as was thought in 1950.

You think this way because you believe that gayness is an external thing. It happened to us. Or we chose it. Or both. The problem is you, you collective of not-happy-with gay folks you that is, is that you have dozens of different reasons for why we’re gay – and the only one you will not accept is ours.

And so let’s look at this list of your reasons for our situation:

We choose to be gay. Right. To the point of simply squashing 100% our “natural” desire to reproduce the species, somehow, for some reason, that no one has ever quite explained. For your contention is that God did put every single person here to join in matrimony and reproduce the species. And that choosing to not doing so is evil. But if God made us all so heterosexual how could we possibly choose to eliminate – indeed, never even have! – the feelings required to follow the plan? Still, no one who pushes the “choose” idea ever really can back it up with a “How do you do that?” explanation.

So you fall back to psychology. Something affected us. We caught it. Though how we both choose and catch I don’t know. It’s also never explained. You couldn’t find an article on earth that ever put forth the logic that gay people choose to be psychologically crazy. And it’s got to be crazy, right? It’s certainly not ever considered a good psychological state, that’s for sure. All during the pre-1970s psychology explanation days it was said in one paragraph that we have a sickness, a disease, and then in the next that we choose to be gay. So we chose to catch this illness, eh? That logical disconnect took decades to cure, I don’t think it has completely from the sounds of the “cure gays” brigade. For instance NARTH – the North Americans for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuals – is quite sure we were made gay as young boys, and we have a “temperment” to help the process – but then too we chose to be gay by 21 or some such. Their own words do proclaim all three beliefs. How we chose at 21 or so to be affected as a toddler with a natural temperment in the first place is left unsaid. For it can’t be said. It’s daffy.

So the psychological reasons are these:

Our mothers were too clingy, too possessive and wouldn’t let us go – so we wanted to have sex with guys.

Or, our mothers were too distant, too cold – so we wanted …

Or our fathers were too cold, distant, weak, ineffective, standoffish, absent, abusive, cloying, cuddling, close, overbearing – literally dozens of concepts that the father did or did not do.

And this being done or not done by present or not present mothers and fathers is the reason we’re gay. Uh huh. Sounds like the climate warmers favorite reason for climate warming – whatever the weather is outside.

And this allegedly happened to us between the tender years of 2 to 4, or 10 to 12, or 1 to 5, or 13 to 16 – plenty of ranges proposed by a myriad of thinkers on the subject who all gainsay that everyone is correct.

Then too birth order is important. Especially within the order of the boys. If we were the oldest son, or the middle, the youngest, the 10th out of 20, somehow this position in the birth order makes us gay. If there was a girl there or not, either side, that could make us gay too. And many a learned paper has come to the conclusion. Only they all can’t quite agree on the same position. So they’re all correct, they say.

Did we have no sisters? Gay! Did we have too many sisters? Gay!

Too many aunts pestering about? Gay, made us think we’re women. Not enough aunts around? Gay, didn’t give us the right conditioning and experience interacting with women.

Now, uncles or the guy next door, often interchangeable, did something or not, or showed us the wrong porn pic or too many of the right ones, or they gave us a beer, or held us on their knee and bounced us too much or something while our mom was busy in the kitchen and she needed someone to watch us young tykes. Presto, a gay kid did come out of that moment of parental neglect.

Still, if that didn’t make us gay, it was the gay creep living in a downtown apartment far from our suburban bliss who passed by us in the mall and looked at us with lust and evil in their eye. Though sometimes he has to be within 10 feet and smile to make the gayness stick. Or tap on us the shoulder and say “you’re it!” No one ever quite explained the mechanism for the transference, but they’re quite certain there’s got to be some sort of electric pulse vibe going out to squash the jock in the man and make the man like jocks.

Or we saw a flimsy flighty sissy hairdresser strolling down the street and asked “Mommy, what’s that?” And she almost certainly said “That’s a disgusting queer, stay away from him.” And that was probably the thing which made us gay. Which is why you don’t like us “flaunting” it by being seen, lest a boy get any ideas, and he had the right combination of predisposition, temperment, and the thing the mother or father did or didn’t and was in the right birth order and had the proper mix of uncles and aunts and creepy gay guys downtown in his city so as to align the stars and make him choose to be gay. And isn’t that the problem with this mush?

Now too, many are convinced we have a predisposition, or it’s prenatal, or some glandular problem, or something, they’re not sure, right there in the womb, but it’s still not natural, for why would anybody want that? Indeed, some predisposition-claimers are almost certain we chose the predisposition, which is a neat trick of brilliance for a fetus if you ask me.

And then some folks, like the Family Research Council, NARTH, AFTAH, the whole alphabet soup of NO GAYS groups, along with the Catholic Church, and most mainstream and midstream churches, and the psychology profession and the psychiatrists, and well, sometimes it seems pretty much everybody is still quite sure that somehow this mix of developmental factors which is largely unexplained is the reason we’re gay. Somehow, you believe, something external affected us, something changed us from the desired heterosexual bliss. And then you pick one, two, three, four, or more or even all of them, and say, there – that’s the reason people are gay. Some of you go so far as to say that Mikey is gay because of the mom thing. But Johnny is gay for the dad thing. And Harry’s gay because of the uncle. And Jack because of the mall encounter. Onward come the reasons that each guy is gay for his own peculiar reason. For something had to happen to make us gay. It had to come from outside.

And I won’t even get into the psychiatry reasoning, it’s even more daffy than the psychological explanations. Suffice to say we were the only thing that chose to have a brain chemical/wiring disease that was not natural, like we took some ray gun and rearranged it all inside on purpose.

Still, that’s the entire crux of the morality issue. You think both that we chose to be gay and it happened to us and it’s our fault anyway for letting it happen. And I suppose without one or the other gayness wouldn’t be around. It seems to be that both sides of the coin must be present. We choose the happening. Of course, since you think it happened to us externally, that it was put into us, or we chose to put it into us, then you can extract it – that’s the cure you seek. Or you just demand we cast it out like some demon you think we purposely put into us. Again, you’re all not clear.

Yet the one place you folks won’t look is inside us. We’re just gay to the very marrow of our bones. I’d even say bisexuals are, and they’re faking the straight part, but I’m pushy. However, if you accept that, as half or more of the nation has concluded without really knowing why. And often not even happy that that’s so, but accepting the reality. Than you can begin to develop a morality for us to be better gay men, and settle down with our prince charming behind a picket fence and not be the rambunctious heathen you think we are.

Try being for us, for once. Instead of arguing with us incessantly about what you believe without a shred of evidence but your own conjectures.




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