Mr. Pawlenty: if not equal, less taxes?

Mr. Pawlenty: If Not Equal, Less Taxes, Right?

I’m glad to see that Governor Pawlenty – recently of power in Minnesota – the state in which a group named “You can run, but you can’t hide, Inc,” a 501(c)3 non-profit federally recognized charitable institution has called for “executing” gay folks – has said I’m not equal. The governor — whose name is either Tim or Tom, I don’t care which – has come out in favor of a big tax cut for gay folks, I guess. After all, if I’m not equal, as he says, why should I pay as much as Animal Farm like “more than equal” fellow citizens?

He has assured me that I am less than equal as a citizen of These United States, of which he aspires to be president – and with astounding audacity asks for my vote – or with amazing stupidity declines it – at the same time – which should call into question his qualifications from the get go. But what do I know, I’m “less than equal.”

Do you, sir, consider me as perhaps 3/5s a person? I expect then to be taxed as such. Actually, Mr. Pawlenty, you have not deigned to give me to which percentage I am reduced from equal citizenship, so I can’t be sure of the actual amount of my forthcoming tax break, which you must wholeheartedly endorse, given your conviction that I’m not a full citizen. For if not “full” citizen, why “full” taxes, eh? Don’t you believe in “fairness” sir? You must, for you say it is “fair” for straight Americans to lambaste gay “Less-than-Americans.” And I respect your view of fairness. So do cut my taxes pro-rata to the degree I’m less than equal as you shall decree as emperor in waiting. You know, no taxation without representation? You can not represent me – you say I’m not you’re equal. OK, so I believe you. Why then should I pay for what I am not permitted to access – which is equal citizenship?

But I ask, for a decent respect for the opinions of mankind, and even for gay folks, whom are obviously, by your reckoning, less than mankind — Do tell.

Am I only 10% less equal? Then I’d like a 10% tax reduction.

Am I like 25% less equal? Well, then, sir, do cut my taxes by 25%.

Am I even more less equal? How low can I go, sir? How low will you put me on the scale of humanhood and citizenship? How less equal am I? Again, I am asking, do tell.

But let me assure you sir, that I demand and expect, as a member of the vast and evil homosexual lobby of radicals and militants who do nothing more than cut hair, decorate interiors, or something even more nefarious like pay taxes without complaint – a full accounting of how less equal than you that I am. A full accounting of exactly how much my taxes will be cut is expected, sir, from a man who wants to cut taxes for even more-than-equal Americans too. I want the card, sir. The one I can flash to any retailer in America to get the “gays not equal” sales tax discount. I want the rubber stamp for my IRS 1040 which says “Gay’s get 50% discount for being unequal.” I want the card that will alert any and all fellow more-equal citizens that I am less than equal and thus entitled to pay a smaller portion of taxes, for the privileged of being scorned to save civilization, I guess. I await the card, which I will carry willingly, so that I might pay only less than equally for what I am to be excluded from in this Republic for Americans, and a Theocracy for Gay Folks.

Thank you sir, I await you calculations as to my tax discount. Even less-than-equal Americans have the right to know their tax burden, no? Or does DOMA prohibit the IRS from telling me?


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