By Jove, I think he’s got it!

I found this little story at – apparently these two blind mice got together on the radio and had a little, a very little, discussion. Let us take a peek, not at hate, but delusion. For they do have visions of, shall we say, sugary plum fairies on their minds this Christmas Season.

I think the greatest threat to our freedom and to the health and well-being of our children is from this radical homosexual agenda which is just so pervasive.”

Thus spoke Barb Anderson. And then, in the pursuit of this agenda, I made coffee, thought about what to have for breakfast, picked up the newspaper off the front walk, checked to see the progress on the replacement of the sewer line along the back fence line, and sat down to think about this mush from these clearly addled people. It’s an agenda all right. Something along the very Conservative lines of deal with reality as it is, not as we wish it to be, I do believe. And then I thought of the entirety of the political, economic, family, military and foreign affairs morass of our times. And then I read her comment again and I thought, can it really be true that 5% or so of the population in every country on earth from time immemorial has been the cause of all these super-duper double extra-large size problems? She’s not serious, is she? Say it ain’t so. It’s addled, I think. Truly.

The Minnesota Family Council’s Barb Anderson sat down with Peter LaBarbera of Americans for the Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH) for a radio interview recently. The duo talked about bringing “ex-gays” …..

What on earth is an “ex-gay”? Well, I think I know. It’s those guys who simply can’t deal with the fact that they are gay, (roughly a few hundred I’d guess) and so will go find some cure, they think, for something so incurable, so immutable, that it can be likened unto a rock in the hands of an alchemist. When they’re done with that little flight into fantasy land they’ll say the dickens with it and go find a boyfriend.

But let’s take it to the logical conclusion, as Conservative reality behooves us. OK, bingo! 20,000,000 gay folks are now “ex-gays.” Alas, there are not 15,000,000 single woman around. Sure there are 5,000,000 lesbians who might twain with 5,000,000 ex-gay guys. But then we still have 10,000,000 men with nary a woman in site to betroth. And you know why? It’s simple, and it’s reality. There are 106 boys born for every 100 girls. And thus the six, (aka radical homosexuals) are stuck either with each other or less pleasing prospects. The pope recommends life long abstinence. Sorry, we demur.

….into the Anoka-Hennepin School District and the fact that AFTAH is now listed as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, a designation Anderson calls a “badge of honor.” The organization recently added 13 new groups to its hate-group map, many for anti-gay positions. The Minnesota Family Council, which opposes homosexuality, has associations with a number of groups that are now on the SPLC list. Now, to my mind, to be called hating someone for no good reason other than being addled, or delusion, a “badge of honor” does disservice to all the honorable people in this nation. But that’s just me.

Indeed, some of the most honorable are the thousands of gay flight attendants who bolt the cockpit doors against one hell of a bigger menace to America than himself. That’s what I wonder about these people. I mean, they must fly, no? Don’t they go up to the ticket counters and get upgrades, too? Don’t they have their boarding passes checked? And whom might be doing the honorable labor of making sure the flight actually gets from here to yon? Why, it’s a gay guy. Look at them. So visible, what with their, um, flighty hand movements, their fey voices, their slight builds, their obvious well, gayness. I mean, one does not have to be a phrenologist to see that there is indeed a physical difference between any given male flight attendant and say a construction worker, or Marine (Truly honorable people, indeed.) But does this woman seriously conclude that the physically feminine guy serving her coffee on her flight back home is A) faking it, and B) a threat to the nation?

We are one of the rare groups that is opposed single-mindedly against the homosexual activist movement,” said LaBarbera, who founded AFTAH in 1996. Yes, well, EPIC FAIL, might be the result of some 14 years effort to rid the nation of the menace they perceive. You’d think they’d give up. For gay folks, clearly, demonstrably, are the single-mindedly most peacefully obstinate and stubborn people on earth. For 40 years now, since a hot June night in 1969, we have peaceably assembled to redress our grievances with not one violent incident in cities across this country. It’s the longest running series of political protests. And the agenda we have is so danged Conservative it’s amazing: Recognize Reality. We’re here.

In fact, look, the man finally agrees with something we say — “The so-called gay lobby has reached the zenith of its power. They are everywhere.” Yes, indeed, everywhere. Odd thing though, we always were everywhere, only now we’re a bit miffed at being called “faggot” or “evil” or “deranged,” etc, etc. So in a freakish display of radicalism we tell our mom’s – to honor her indeed, and give thanks for our birth – and then we might put on a pair of Speedos in which naught might be hid, and go say “Don’t Tread On Us.” Which is, strangely, we gay people have noticed, the credo of this nation. Why, there’s even a very nice yellow flag with that very phrase. Funny how so many Americans are now waking up and saying the same thing to government – Don’t Tread On Us. We’re were you when our bars were being raided and us arrested for being, basically, rocks?

More strange, though, is that how can there be a “radical agenda” with only a “so-called” lobby? Should we have a “gay lobby”? Hmm. Though, very Tea Party in concept, we first realize we are for liberty (our own,) and then go tell our dads – to honor the man, and pray he can deal with reality. And then we go find like minded people. And do nothing more than appeal to reason and a decent respect for the opinions of mankind. We’re quite good at it. Which is why, “zenith” is a bit understated. For there’s still a little nip and tuck to do around the edges of society to get us included. But I think, oh, 90% of the nation has now concluded, that well, yep, there are some of us around and we’re not going anywhere. It got better because we peacefully whined a bit. And nothing bespeaks “dangerous” more than “Oh, pretty please, include us, let us come home for pie!” as we are prone to whine. I guess.

I don’t feel like a homophobe; as one guy said, I’m homo-nauseated,” he continued.

Well, yah, me too. I don’t feel like a homophobe at all. And I’m certainly not anti-straight. Why, some of my best friends are straight. But oh am I “homo-nauseated” — you have no idea, folks. Though, which might well be a good new word, homonausea – used to describe what these sorts of honor badge wielding groups possess. I would be nauseous of a subject too if I spent my entire career on battling reality, and then in the face of utter and complete failure get up and do it all over again the next day. I think there’s even a fable about it. Something about pushing a rock uphill. I would surely be anything-nauseated if I was, say, “against rocks.” For to be against reality is a nauseous concept indeed. And, well, we just are. Just like rocks are.

Then the man recognizes reality, a bit — “They are everywhere. You can’t get away from them, even in the schools, so today we are interviewing Barb Anderson of the Minnesota Family Council.”

Why, yes, indeed, we are in schools. Always have been. Way back then when they were teaching cunneiform clay tablet writing, there we were, right there in class. Way back then, when Charles the Fat had to call out his knights, in about the year 880 or so, to quell the riots, rape, rampage and rambunctiousness of the heterosexual element among the students at the university of Paris, there we were, in school, learning how to interior decorate castles or something. For we are a docile people, us gay folks. Sissies, even. And in schools so obviously so that we were beat up. Still are. And part of our “radical” agenda to be left alone is to say “Please don’t bully us or beat us up, we’re just sissies, that’s all.” And that is radical indeed, of a sort to be extreme about, to ask politely to not be pulverized for being a future flight attendant.

Both LaBarbera and Anderson agreed that AFTAH’s recognition by the SPLC is a point of pride. Well, and our survival against the likes of these two is a point of pride in any given gay pride march. Strange, eh?

There’s a lot of hatred out there in the so-called gay lobby,” LaBarbera said. No, it’s not hate, sir, it’s called “self defense” — which I’d say is a pretty darn important human right.

And let me now bring up a small story, of my past. About extremism in the defense of liberty. In 9th Grade I had been picked upon by one Michael Henderson. You know, “faggot,” and such, right there in school where I was. And so one day, having reached my zenith of turning the other cheek, I pounded the living daylights out of the boy. And as his father and my father were trying to pull me off the pummeling I recall screaming “You call me faggot one more time I’ll kill you.” Well, that put a stop to that stuff. And the word was spread. Don’t tread on him. He’s a radical gay guy, he’ll defend himself. But no, Allan Rolli was gong to test this. And so did start up the nonsense. And then I found that my fist was connecting with his nose, then his jaw, then his belly, and so forth, and finally the principal of the school himself came running from his office to pull the radical homosexual who had just enough “homonausea” off of a very amazed Mr. Rolli. And then 10th through 12th Grades were just fine. Right there in school. And that was radical, indeed. For liberty was won, and Don’t Tread On Me was enacted.

Anderson agreed: “Absolutely. They call us a hate group but the emails and the responses we get from them are just full of anger and hateful comments that they make towards us.” Well, doh, you call us a threat to society. I’d suppose we have a right to be angry about that. Especially given the Conservative Reality that we are obviously no such thing. I mean, we’ve had scissors near your throats for decades, and we haven’t cut a jugular vein yet. Nor even left you with a Mohawk when you requested a bob.

I think it’s becoming perhaps a badge of honor to be called a hate group,” said Anderson.

LaBarbera added, “If you are not on the SPLC hate list, you are not doing enough.” Oh my. Oh my.

You are not doing your job,” agreed Anderson.

And I dare say, no they are not. For we are still there in the schools, like we always were. Exactly like Tony Perkins says, “for a largely unexplained mix of developmental factors.” Like a rock. But if you were doing your job, and if you came to any one of my relatives or my fine heterosexual friends, and said this stuff, they’d bop you in the nose and say, “Get a grip, girlfriend, they just are, like rocks. And dull as rocks, too.” But we gay folks would not do that of course.

We usually just turn our cheeks and say “Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do.”

Which is radical indeed. Maybe. Or it could be a badge of honor. Though it is better than the delusion these two nauseous people possess.


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