Just one big problem


The president got a well deserved fat lip. Fortunately it was by his own hand, so racism cannot be called. Apparently in the midst of the problems he was hired to mitigate – and no, I didn’t expect really that he would solve them, as no president really can – he was playing basket ball again. And he’s off to Europe, again. And he’s having parties at the White House, again. I feel it’s like that scene in Forest Gump where the schlub explains getting to go the White House and “meet the president, again.” Though he has cut the golf down a bit, I think. Something with the onset of more proof that global warming is a farce – early cold weather, I think. When Memphis gets a winter storm warning in November than you can pretty well conclude it’s going to be a cold winter.

Meanwhile, the North Koreans are bombing the South, just to see what might happen I suppose. Nothing much did happen except much hand wringing about it. The president was busy, though kept informed of developments, of course. And of course full time consideration was given by the media to the minor momentary slip of the tongue on the issue by some woman with a TV show about the wilds of Alaska. Various other wars and conflagrations also proceed worldwide with alarming continuity.

The economy is in the doldrums, with this or that metric bouncing up and down. Stocks are one day in a slump, the next in a rise, though somehow the trend is down, like a pendulum coming to a stop. Usually this is called fluctuation, and it’s quite normal for stock markets. Alas, too many people now seem to believe that stable markets are what is needed. They can’t work, of course, but it’s been the goal of government since Hammurabi put the first import and export restrictions on his people so that they might have a stable home market. This goal is farcical, and only serves to promote government power. And of course, the more you seek to control the fluctuating economy the more house prices will fall and business decline, and investors go play skittish.

The budget of the nation no longer really exists, and the Congress is set to vote on a continuing resolution where in which they’ll continue to fund the disastrous policies and programs currently in place, and fund the new disasters fostered by the president, too, in his belief that he is there to remake America in his image. All this in an attempt to avoid any responsibility for the disaster wrought by their own hands. The president may or may not be involved in any of this in between his exciting adventures. The one thing for certain though, is that a do-nothing president and a do-nothing congress might actually be a good thing now, so those of us living normal lives might catch a breather among all the changes constantly winning out over last year’s model. Unless it’s dismantling something, then that’s fine.

The Federal Reserve Board is trying to figure out a way to inflate the economy without letting anyone know, but it’s all too obvious. The problem with the economy, however, is not inflation or the lack thereof, the problem is the taxes and the deficit. The Fed and the president seem to believe they’ll inflate their way out of the deficit on the one hand, but not inflate the economy as a whole and thereby bring prosperity without pain. The prospect being impossible, we’ll all get screwed.

Congress folks are still getting caught doing ridiculous things. Some are crooks given a mild tap on the tuckus and told to sin no more. And others are publicly reading licentious photos of ladies in tight embrace. Others are attempting to run through a shellacked lame duck session all sorts of unknown laws at the last moment. One, Harry Reid, has figured out that he can use Don’t Ask Don’t Tell as a fine cudgel to beat Republicans over the head with. He dangles the prospect of a “yes” like a piece of carrion for a vulture and is ready to snatch it away if only the Republicans might cave in on every other matter. The Republicans will take the bait and cave in, so the thing will not be done. And the Military is perhaps more befuddled about what it is to do, and it’s own plans are perhaps thwarted by requirements for this or that weapons program and obsolete base maintenance and increased funding for the bureaucracies that mangle the thing. Most gay people, stooges in the game, will think that Reid has done something good for them – by not only failing to get rid of a Democratic born policy, but one he has no intention of getting rid of, for it is far more useful as a cudgel. And they’ll blame Republicans for being anti-gay. The Republicans, some of them apparently, just don’t want those votes anyway. Now, if the Republicans would say something like “Yes, we’ll end Don’t Ask Don’t tell, but let’s start off with gays in the marching bands and kitchens to see how it might work out” — well, then, wouldn’t that do in the Democrats? And in this way the fox holes would be secure and the food better, too, and the issue would be gone. Simply gone. Poof!

Unemployment is still horrendous, the trillions in stimulus an admitted failure, and shovels never could be ready for any projects anyway, which was obvious. Meanwhile, more billions are being spent on corn fuel; now an admitted boondoggle by the main proponent, Al Gore. For the same sort of political game as gay folks are use, so was the environment, and the fool Republicans didn’t just say, “Oh, get all the corn gas you want, just no tax subsidies for it.” Meanwhile, the price of corn has gone up, thereby causing unemployed people to use more of their food stamps and other sustenance to buy food that is being wastefully directed to fuel cars. Oil is still be imported while the drilling of it is thwarted at home by all sorts of people who are convinced that oil is this great menace, but have no other solution to the problem of how to power the world and make the plastic of the cell phones they use to call each other about their opposition to drilling right here at home.

Scads of the children are being churned out by unwed mothers, unsupported by fathers who abandon them, or being aborted, or are coming into families that are in a combustion of divorce, abuse and violence. The murder rate proceeds apace, too, though thankfully no major mall, work place or restaurant shootings in a while. The kids are either fat & stupid, or hungry & dumb. The schools are churning out kids who know naught and can function less, and so mass armies of social workers are required to deal with the morass. Meanwhile, the teachers unions jealously guard their illusory pensions and benefits, because the money is just not there, but they will not give an inch. The various family values protection groups spend not one dime or minute of time on the obvious disintegration of the family true causes – the Democratic tax and spend policies, and the very people themselves, but instead blame the horrendous situation on gay people for having the temerity of saying we exist.

Several states are essentially bankrupt, even if the chickens are still clucking in the yard and not come home to roost yet. The federal government is leaking money like a rusty scow left over from the 1930s, and indeed, many of the programs most at fault stem from that time. Though another bunch is leaking money like an old Volkwagen bus leaks oil, and that’s par for the course for that 1960s time frame, for sure. But these programs are mandatory now, it’s said, because few in power have the audacity to say they are just not working. When any might speak of the coming dilemma they are pilloried as heartless cads worried about accounting and not people. Though 60 to 70 percent of the average people are quite sure it’s not good and are quite miffed, as evidenced by the recent voting.

Oh yah, and that, I think, is a short list of the problems of the nation. Should be enough for any society to deal with, no? And there’s plenty more, too, you know.

But still, just one more problem exists, one that cannot be solved. Not because it’s unsolvable, no. It’s because no one wants to solve it. The Right Wing, whether Republicans, Conservatives or Tea Party, are quite for rugged individualism, self-reliance and the rights of individuals and small government, and free speech and mind your own business, but somehow they consider gay folks as a monolithic amoeba come to swallow civilization, and Democrats to boot, and so are for a police state of sorts against gay folks. Some call for more stringent measures than others to stop the “homosexual lobby” from getting the nation to simply recognize that there are indeed quite a few millions of taxpaying fellow citizens who come from the fine families they believe exist, but somehow churned out the problem.

The Democrats are also for individualism, they say, so long as everyone thinks and does alike within the group, and so would never countenance a gay Tea Party person like myself. And for self-reliance, so long as the self relies on the government and any other selves that might be importuned for the wherewithal. And they are all for gay people, they say, except for their anti gay DOMA, DADT, and a raft of other laws, policies, and lack of laws and policies, which they put into place to show their supposed support of us, I guess. And to club Republicans with, I know. All this we’re not anti-gay-just-teasing stuff gets them the votes for the pleasure of continuing their disastrous policies. The poor Republicans are just than more willing, apparently, to forgo rescuing the nation from the financial, military, and families with children crises by spending an inordinate amount of time putting a stop to the astoundingly rugged individualism of gay folks. And refusing to even consider asking for a vote or two from us, so that we too might enjoy the fruits of rugged individualism and self-reliance. We’ve amply demonstrated that we can do it, I assure you. It’s called “flaunting it,” I think.

And so the Democrats and the Republicans unite on this one issue, so as to attempt to stop the above list of problems from getting any worse than they already are. Which worse they would clearly be, by the gorgeous logic applied by so many people, by allowing gay folks to have a slim piece of paper saying it’s OK to love each other. Or to let us walk down a street holding hands. Or even mention that the fellow standing next to us is our boyfriend of 20 years. (Lesbians, of course, are OK, as many a man’s girlie magazine and a congressman or two will attest. So long as they’re good looking, of course.) No, society says no, no acceptance, never. Bad for civilization. And look at the morass indeed! Gay folks just asking for a nice word or two and a piece of paper are surely the cause. This is said too often by too many for it not to be true, right?

So, how rugged are we, you ask? How individualistic? Let me tell:

The Pope, now, today apparently, has helped pinpoint the very definition of rugged individualism by saying that even if gay people are natural from the moment of sacred conception, it is certainly not something God wants. I would imagine the corollary is that gay folks had a hell of a nerve on being born gay and so bringing about the above list of civilization immobilizing and just possibly super-duper society destroying problems, which are laid at our feet. Who else is blamed for societal breakdown? It seems no one, especially the fine heterosexuals who are doing the wreckage. You all are innocent. And one would think this puts quite the onus on any parents who might produce a gay kid, for giving rise to the threat. But no. Not at all. It’s not the parents fault. For of course the bigger onus is on us gay folks. For to be naturally born from the moment of sacred conception in the gift of life and still be evil is quite a feat. Nothing could be more rugged than to start being a threat to civilization from the moment of sacred conception, well two half-cells merge as one, and way before we might even have a moment out of the womb to see if there was anything left to wreck.

It’s therefore no wonder that gay folks won’t be given the time of day except to be told to listen to the litany of complaints against us. Because any kid who could possibly choose to be gay and thus evil and civilization threatening at the very moment when sperm burrows into egg, well, that’s a heap powerful mojo magic. Now I suppose the trick will be to determine whether the sperm or the egg caused the fault. Or did a gay sperm find a gay egg with a very micro gaydar, and prevent some fine normal person from being born? I’m sure it’s an apple or serpent problem of great theological resonance.

And we, we gay folks? We are to be tossed from the garden for having dared to exist, I guess.

Fortunately, Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council is working on the very plan to export us all, so that the finances of the nation, the strength of the military, and the fine families with their not-gay children can get back to the nirvana which existed before gay folks choose to unite those two particular sets of DNA on our way to cause societal doom. And you all wonder why we laugh and turn the other cheek? It’s not mocking anyone, oh no. It’s just, well, it’s too funny, really. What else are we to do, but say, “forgive them Lord, they know not what they do.” After all, this is only over a piece of paper and a “howdy” to our boyfriend when you meet him, for a measly 5% of the population who even the pope now is saying were born that way.


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