Turkey Day

First, Happy Thanksgiving of course, to everyone. Tomorrow is our great national day of Thanks that we are not anywhere else. Though it might be my last in America, for I’m told of an exciting new policy prescription to save this nation. It’s called: Export Homosexuals!

Ah, yes, nothing says “Christian” love, and “rational thought” and “morality” too, than a man, one Peter Sprigg, of the farcically named “Family Research Council” saying that “homosexuals” should be “exported.” Here, let me make that clearer, he said: EXPORTED!

Oh, yes, cue the video: http://www.goodasyou.org/good_as_you/2010/10/audio.html


Exported? Did I really hear that right? Oh yes I did.

Like in Deportations? Like in rounding up the gay folks and sending them somewhere? Like, I suppose, just raiding house to house, in good police state fashion, and then bar to bar, hair salon to hair salon to get the stragglers, and taking us at gun point to collection centers and shipping us somewhere? I don’t know. Sprigg does not lay out his program on how to actually achieve his fantastically fanatical goal of ridding the nation of the menace, though I’m sure he’s got one. Perhaps it would be more gentile, and he’ll lure us to the Canadian border for a look see at the northern lights and push us over the line and say “nyah nyah, you ain’t coming back!” Though how he would react then to a nation of 20,000,000 or so gay folks just north of the border is most intriguing.

But I don’t know if Canada is where he wants us to go, it might be too close for his comfort. Yet, he does not offer guidance as to where he’d export us to. Perhaps he would export us into Northern Mexico, in some sort of Queerconquista of a the empty parts of that nation. I’ve crossed the Sonora and Chihuahua deserts, trust me, they’re empty. Plenty of room for a few million folks. Though again, there is that “Queer Nation” on the southern border then.

Perhaps we’ll get to choose. Does he have even a shred of humanity left to at least allow us to choose to which nation we might be exported? I’m not sure.

He does not say whether we shall be allowed to take our cash, paintings, clothes and pets and other detritus of our lives. Perhaps, though, like a good Nazi, (Lord do I hate using the word, it’s so passe in so many ways, but not this time,) he’ll strip us of our hard earned money, seize our houses and automobiles, grab all our possessions and perhaps apply it to the national debt or something.

Nor does he wonder, which one should, I suppose, in exporting millions of people, whether any other country would take us. For it does seem that so many other nations would export us too, given half the chance. Why, over in Russia some good mob of Christian folks savagely attacked a tiny group of gay men and women seeking succor from their families. Maybe this Sprigg fellow could talk to his counterpart Spriggovich on how to export both groups – Russian and American gays. Maybe he can talk to Sprigganidad in Iran, or Sprigg-hate-gay over in China, or Spriggolatto down in Italy, and of course, Mspriggwamba of Uganda, since all seem eager to export their gays too.

Uganda of course, just wants to kill us all, and save the bother of the exportation. Sprigg has so much to learn on the practicalities, I think. For oh so many countries would more than export their gays, that’s for sure. Why, the UN might become involved to figure out a new nation for us, a sort of Atlantis, where we might be free from taunt from the likes of Sprigg.

But again – to where? Com’n Sprigg, there’s practical realities involved here.

“Export”? I just can’t even wrap my mind around the idea that any man in his right mind would utter such a thing. But one man’s crazy is another’s whack job.

But you know what’s worse than one crazy man? It’s the deafening silence from www.thedailycaller.com which gives a platform to this man and his ilk-in-chief Tony Perkins.

It’s the deafening silence from many a Republican presidential front runner running to speak to this group and its allies to learn all about their wondrous plans to solve the problems of this nation’s families – not through tax cuts, not through stopping the nation’s deficit, not through ending divorce, or working to train all those little straight buggers to keep their junk in their pants, not to do anything at all really – for the FRC (charming initials, FRC, like in are you frickin’ kiddin’ me?) is so “focused” on the “family,” like all the rest of the “family” groups, that they spend not a moment talking about straight folks perfectly fine mangling of the institution. Including, dare I say, churning out a hell of a lot of gay sons and daughters. Maybe those families ought to be exported too, eh Sprigg? So, ignoring families, they are instead obsessed with gay folks. Absolutely obsessed. Pathologically so, compulsively so.

I mean, what grown man would spend 8 to 10 hours a day six or seven days a week thinking about gay people? I’m gay and I don’t think but an hour or so a day on the matter — ½ hour or so writing this blog almost every day, and a ½ hour collectively in admiring glances as good looking men as I go about my day.

That a man seeking, purportedly, to rescue and preserve and strengthen families would propose ripping out of it the gay son or daughter and deporting them is just so sad. So utterly, dejectedly sad. I mean, really. The man needs psychological help. Will no one step in with crisis intervention?

No. That’s what’s really even sadder. For so many people, in the broadcast media, the print press, the churches, the halls of political power, would give this man a moment listening is also sad. Yet, there they are, every time gay folks are discussed without us being included in the discussion, there this Perkins and Sprigg duo are — on all the Networks, quoted by the Associated Press, given blog space and internet frontage, and allowed to grace the hallowed halls of Congress to lobby “for” the family by coming up with the brilliant idea of Exporting the nation’s gay citizens.

But I somehow think, nay, know, that more than a few families might be a bit miffed at having their sons, brothers, cousins, rounded up and shipped off like cattle in export and told never to return. I know mine would.

Deport the queers! What a political program to be proud of, you Republicans. And you wonder why you can’t really get a majority in the Congress? You wonder why you got Obama? You wonder why you can’t convince people to vote for your otherwise rational program of cutting government spending?Well, I’ll tell you – it’s guys like Perkins and Sprigg who are doing you in. And let me tell you, exporting millions of gay folks will negatively impact tax receipts and cost a few hundred billion to do. But, no, you listen to a man who says, with a straight face, “export homosexuals.”

What is this coming to, this great gay/straight divide? Will it be families who accept their gay kids versus families who don’t? And the latter, of course, like any good Iranian dictator, say “no gays here.” Is that what our nation is coming to? How utterly bizarre.

So have a happy turkey day. And thank the heavens, my straight readers, that you are not gay, so that you don’t have to have a sprig of concern as to whether you might be taunted, accused of destroying civilization or getting exported to save it. Now pass the mashed potatoes, thanks. I need some comfort food.



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