Just teasing!

The world gone mad

On page 4A of “my” Advocate today is a stunner: Woman jailed after breast exams at bars.

And I immediately thought that the TSA has expanded operations. They did not. Seems that one Ms. Ross was booked for “unlicensed practice of medicine.” For fondling the boobs of two boobs, er women, in a public drinking establishment. Which then brings up random thoughts, like, why on earth would any sane woman in a bar think that anyone who walked up to them in such a place and asked to fondle said boobs would believe that wannabe boob fondler would be a real doctor? I mean really, has common sense just been tossed away? It’s not even abandoned in this case. No, just tossed away like an old newspaper that the puppy used. Now, Ms. Ross, did this while pretending to be a plastic surgeon and that witnesses said “her vocabulary and apparent medical knowledge appeared legitimate.” Which brings to mind, once again, as I wrote yesterday, that Mark Tullos, director of a museum over in Lafayette, Louisiana, accepted a donated painting from a fake priest because he looked and sounded real. Well, Ronald Reagan’s maxim “Trust, but verify” should be standard operating procedure, no? Sure is for me.

For if someone came up to me and asked to fondle any part of me I would certainly inquire a mite more carefully of actual credentials than that they merely “sounded real” or something. I would suspect, though, that soon enough, there will be an imposter dressed as a TSA worker on a city bus or subway, claiming that the nation’s security would be imperiled if boobs or genitalia were not searched immediately. I don’t want to bet on either the gender of the grab-er or the grab-ee, but I’d guess no gay man will do it, but we’ll be accused of it anyway. But too, can TSA agents be now charged with “unlicensed practice of medicine”? For what they do seems suspiciously like the, um, gym class ritual for boys where in which the school doctor comes along for a TSA type maneuver. And what does “man grab young teen” teach? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. For that’s not what made me gay, though I was teased a bit in high school that I liked it too much. For I was out, in a way, with an earring in the right ear which was the “wrong” ear for the time. Fortunately, I was six foot tall, hairy and not unpopular, and few thought of getting more physical with me.

Now it seems this Ms. Ross has a prior record – as a man! Though now she’s a woman. I guess. Talk about gender confused! The article, thankfully, does not say if Ross is, um, endowed as nature originally provided in one or the other genders, or if she had seen her own plastic surgeon. Nor does it postulate the obvious, that about 95% of the men in college bars across this great land could be charged with “unlicensed practice of medicine” given their propensity to inquire if they might fondle a boob or two. I’m sure there’s a law and a lawsuit coming soon in our overly regulated and overly litigated because of said regulations society to, um, handle the situation.

Still, you thought a lady with a cocktail in her hand in a bar was a doctor there to give exams? Geez. Though, with the wonders of ObamaCare, touted in sotto voce by Democrats who passed it to find out what’s in it, and the president’s wife fixation on our health and welfare and trans-fat intake and BMI, and the new TSA “back to high school gym class” program, well, then, it might well confuse somebody in a bar to conclude that house calls of a sort were being made again. As usual I’m puzzled on these sorts of things, for irrationality is not a strong suit of mine.

Meanwhile, on the very next page – there’s the article that should have been on the front page instead of the big picture of some football players, which should have been relegated to the sports pages, where, lo, there again, another big picture of the game. Can’t get too much circuses, um, football, while the country goes belly up! Thank goodness LSU won over Ole Miss and the Republic saved. I think. I’m really not into watching studly young men run around in bulging TSA search zone tight pants while doing a balletic series of fondling maneuvers over a two-boob sided ball bouncing around. And I would think Carl Paladino would come down here and tell my Advocate to stop putting such suggestive pictures right there on the front pages where young boys might see them and be made gay. Especially now that he’s not governor after having enraged some two million of his potential constituents. Nor am I inclined to be pleased with any of my tax dollars going for such stadiums that might be required to play the game. Now, where was I? (Well, studly young sports stars do becloud my brain somewhat … sorry)


Ah, such a headline! I put the emphasis in it, for it is far more important than a mere game, or a boob-fondling crime spree. That should have been the front page story – to show the people of my fair city exactly what the problem is. This is what the Democrats and Republicans have wrought – more taxes for everyone! Louis XIV through XVI said too, and Marie Antoinette seems suspiciously more like Obama-wife everyday. Still, there’s nothing to be done for there’s “Mandatory” spending! Now why this spending is simply mandatory and not, say, optional, is not quite said. Oh sure, entitlements, or Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security and “Other” and of course “interest on debt” are all mandatory in the sense that sometime ago some politicians, many deceased now, decided to give America a radical wealthectomy and remove wallets they found while fondling the taxpayers and “mandated” for all time – This shall be spent! But is it carved in stone? I think not.

Now I would have thought that every few years some new crop of politicians might come in and decide that this mandated spending is not as mandatory as it appears. For it is the will of man. It’s mandatory of course, that water flow down hill. As it is mandatory that the sun rise from the east. But really, is any cent of government spending truly “mandatory” in the sense that it can never, ever, be touched from now until perpetuity itself runs out? Surely someone can fondle the entitlements, while pretending to be politicians, and sounding like they know what they’re talking about, so that they can get a hand on what’s being spent by the boobs in Washington? No? Why, I think that’s what the TEA party might be handling right now.

The sub-headline says a lot “Deficit-cutting plans will hurt individuals, business.” Which is funny, in a multi-entendre sort of way. First, if you cut the deficit by cutting the mandates people will be hurt. And if you raise taxes to cover the deficit caused by the mandates people will be hurt. And if you cut mandates and raise taxes? Well, that’s a double whammy of hurt, indeed. And if you don’t cut mandates or raise taxes, hurt. And if you cut taxes while maintaining mandates, hurt. And so on and so forth. Not a pretty picture.

Which strikes me then, that most politicians of the current times and recent past should be charged with “unlicensed practice of government.” For they done bollixed it up, big time. It’s also called throw the bums out. Not enough were tossed like puppy-paper yet. Charlie Rangel, who’s so full of puppy stuff that his eyes are brown will remain in office, for apparently that’s mandated too. And get this, this McClatchy reporter, Kevin G. Hall, said “the most influential panel is the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform” … and I came to a complete stop, to think. I mean, I could have sworn that we had a national commission for fiscal responsibility a bit more important than some appointed panel of former politicians, namely the currently elected politicians in Congress. Isn’t Congress our national commission? Hmm. They sure practiced without a license, in a very Ms. Ross like way. For they came up to boobs, aka We The People, and asked to fondle our wallets, and lo, look what happened! A crime of sorts was committed. For the current morass, which was obvious back, oh, when Ronald Reagan trounced Jimmy Carter, should have been dealt with. And Newt Gingrich who was one of the perpetrators of this boondoggle now wants to be president?

On the other hand, you could just let people keep their own money and call it social security. And pay for their own regular medical stuff and call it medicare. And you could shut down entire departments like Commerce and Energy and Arts and the TSA and save billions right off the top and apply it to the debt on which the interest is owed, to at least lower that cost.

Still, as Barnum said, roughly, there’s a boob born every minute. Sometimes even two. And about the only left for me to think about before I go off to the the day’s labor to make some money a-fore the taxes are raised on me, too, and with visions of footballers in my head, is — since young gay boys are never welcomed in all those playing doctor situations with the two-boob set at puppy love parties, can we now get to play TSA agent and so join the fun? Nah, that truly would be a world gone mad. Ah, just teasing you, relax.


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