They and John Hancock

I find it odd that on many a website where I post frequently when gay folks are being talked about that no one puts their name. All the two cents givers hide behind noms de web, like of old, perhaps, fearful that the King’s men would come and break down the door. I put my name right up there, Jim Hlavac. I don’t hide it, and I say what I say, for the decent respect of the opinions of mankind, as it were.

I’ve long delighted that my initials are the same as John Hancock, the man who signed his name biggest on the Declaration of Independence, “so the King might read it without his spectacles,” he supposedly said. He’s entered the language as “put your John Hancock right there,” as the slightly effeminate young man at the bank points to the signing line, but doesn’t put a picture of his significant other in his office, like everyone else does, lest it offend. You didn’t ask, for it’s pointless to the business at hand, and he’s not telling, for he’s fearful. If he had the picture, you’d accuse him of “flaunting” or “promoting” or “rubbing in my face,” or some such. Don’t ask, don’t tell, everywhere.

In all the hubbub I caused at , by their invitation, I noticed that the 85 people who took my survey not a one, not a blessed one, had the wherewithal to use their name. They all hid, and then, some, demanded of me, that I reply to their opinions. And to whom might I be replying? Beats me. “Dear Blasted182”? I don’t even know the gender, or have to ferret it out from how they use pronouns. Even the person I dealt with at IOTW I only know as “Big” — not even the courtesy of a first name. But I didn’t ask, Big need not tell. We all have our secrets. Perhaps I’m more brazen, or crazy, or willing to stick up for my rights as I perceive them, or just like John Hancock.

Last I looked we lived in a Free Republic, though buffeted by the onslaught of the Socialist menace, still Free. Put your names, please, and perhaps we’ll keep the Republic, as Benjamin Franklin hoped.

And then at the other day I found a most thoughtful post, and I wanted to respond to the author, a certain Mr. Jim Treacher. Only when I went to go track him down, I wound up at Wikipedia, where I found that he’s not Treacher, he’s someone else. Now I wonder who else in the Conservative world is not who they say they are. Like Journolistas of the left, on gay issues they certainly all get the same memo. How many more hide? Anyway, I tracked down this Treacher fellow and sent him the following email:


Sir, After the recent absurd fiasco of Reid trying to play the gay card against Republicans on DADT you posted, at the Daily Caller, a video of The Village People. With it you left a very short comment, roughly: “Remember the old days? Back when you didn’t ask, and they didn’t tell.”

Would that be the good old days, just a few short years before that video was made, when you all were busting down the doors of “they” bars, where “they” hid at your request, after you threw “they” out as so much garbage, for family values or something, and dragged “they” out into the streets to be beaten and arrested and fired from jobs, all in a vain attempt to destroy the lives of “they”?

Or would that be a more recent old days, when the laws were stacked against “they” in a manner I’m not sure you realize, but Clinton hadn’t pushed his bizarre idea of codifying what has been the reality of “they” for many a decade — so long as you didn’t ask, “they” never told?

I’m just wondering, for in this new Republican resurgence, which many a “they” support, are you and “they” to return to those good old days you seem to pine for? I’m asking, for “they” might need to take defense measures, after you return to the good old days you refer to. Do tell. For remember, DADT is a society wide feature, not just in the military. Indeed, even that slight man serving you coffee and peanuts on your flight to Washington is a “they.” Ask, he’ll tell you, I’m sure. Though don’t get too anti-“they,” for he might also be the “they” who saves your life in case of a unlikely emergency.

What that video is, and I don’t think you realize it, is “they” saying: Don’t Tread On Us. And “they” will keep on saying it. Until no one longs for the good old days.

Meanwhile, if some “they” can’t rip the life out of a Taliban then don’t put that “they” up in the front lines, and perhaps, yet, in your Judeo-Christian charity you might allow “they” to at least serve in the marching band, in service to the country “they” love as much as you do. You all seem to love a good parade as “they” do. But if a “they” can do what needs doing, what does it matter?

But, please, as a “they” reader of your comments and the Daily Caller, moderate the “they” stuff, OK? It’s unseemly in a Free Republic with Liberty and Justice for All. I didn’t see a “no they allowed” in our nation’s founding documents. Perhaps you’ll point that out to me, if it’s there. Thanks.


one of the “they”

Jim Hlavac

PS, I use my own name; perhaps you should too, and you know, come out of the closet, so to speak.


And that was just this morning, and now I go rest, exhausted, from having to defend “they” people again. To a man who disparages “they” people as he masquerades as much as any closeted gay man did before “they” threw a hissy fit and “you” stopped dragging “they” out of the bars to beat us. It was a very Don’t Tread On Us moment, I assure you, so that “they” can be part of We the People. Come now, Donner and Blitzen, and Rudolf, and whomever else you might be, put your John Hancock right there, where you words are.


1 Comment

  1. What I said was, “Those were the days. You didn’t have to ask, and they didn’t need to tell…”

    “They” being the Village People. You didn’t have to ask if they were gay, and they didn’t need to tell you, because you knew. And it was fine. Because the Village People are awesome.

    But your manifesto is good too. Whatever you do, please don’t pick your battles.

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