Wipe out

Wipe Out

The American Society of Socialists, aka, A.S.S., is working overtime. So important, it should be bolded and underscored for emphasis of importance.

It seems Vice President Biden stole yet another phrase from someone else, plagerizing a school yard taunt of a ten year old, for when being offered some free custard in Milwaukee did call the giver a “smart ass.” It appears that the gifter did give to the grifter that free custard with just one small word of advice: lower taxes. It was said politely and genuinely, by a small businessman who should know a thing or two about taxes and how it impedes his business. Biden, being among our smartest and best, had nothing more original to say, like, um, “Thanks for the custard and I’ll think about what you said.”

Now, the custardman, or if one is partial to Spanish, the flanista, is not a member of ASS. So why Biden felt compelled to call him a “smart” member of ASS is unknown. Perhaps details at 11, as they say. Surely I can’t read about it in my family-focused local newspaper, can I? And what is it with Biden and Cussing? Sounds like a law firm in charge of health care — “bidin’ time and cussing” being the net effect of Biden & Cussing’s ministrations. And if we quote the VP on the TV can the FCC fine us for obscenity? Wow, what a great way to raise revenues! Have the VP curse up a blue streak, a “big f…ing deal,” as it were, and then have the TV quote him, and then fine the TVs (and that’s not transvestites, by the way,) for the privilege. Now that’s a big ASS f…ing idea!

Meanwhile, on TV, in broad daylight, on the Nick Cavuto show, a show which is all honesty I have never watched, nor heard much about, and which is not often quoted by anyone, but thrives contentedly in the shadows of some network’s offerings, a certain AFL-CIO bigwig did call Mr. Cavuto an “ASShole.” I suppose Mr. Bigwig did think that Cavuto had some sort of special membership in the “Homeland Obstruction & Lying Emirate” division of ASS. [You heard of our many czars no doubt, but did you know we also had sheiks? Sure, they’re the ones who are apparently running our Israeli desk at the State Department.] But no, Mr. Cavuto was merely pointing out something about the inability to wipe up the red ink of union pensions or something. Mr. Bigwig was estatic to have found a new member of the secret society, perhaps.

The president of course is searching high and low through the assorted political parties to find the ASS member who will not clean up the oil leak. Isn’t he? And with 300,000,000 Americans, and 15 million illegal somethings wandering about, you would think he could find one closer than a yacht in the Irish Sea, no? But the brown goo keeps befouling ASS that’s for sure. For the ASS doesn’t know itself from a HOLE in the ground, and thus can neither plug, mop or wipe the thing away.

Still, he’s ordering the Coast Guard to cover its ASS by enforcing ASS to preserve ASS by making sure there are enough life perservers for everyone in the land. The safety net goes to sea, as it were.

Then it appears that Al Gore met an unwilling participant in ASS. A certain masseuse willing to tell her story for a cool million dollars. I don’t blame her. With our economy being wiped out by ASS I’m sure her services are less required with each passing day. Many an ASS will go unkneaded. I’m almost certain that masseusing is one of the first frills to go when wiped out. So go for it, babe, but make sure the story is a doozy and you got the proof. If you get the million, and destroy Al at the same time, then you’ve done a great national defense act without spending billions and without getting your ASS handed to you.

Unlike General McCrystal, who, as an admitted member of ASS [he voted for Obama,] did imprudently say anti-ASS things about the Chief ASS Wiper – the Wimp In Power Endorsing Ruination – to a magazine long known as one of the best for latrines and outhouses in the environmenally pure world envisioned by the Chief ASS Wiper. Now, he got his ASS handed to him. Uncharacteristically typical, this ASS will quickly find his inner Gorian Masseuse and charge someone a million bucks to write the tell-most [often masquerading as tell-alls] of his ASS Wiper days.

Up in Canada some members of ASS, and the bigger, iASS – the new internet based International Association of Sychophantic Socialists – did try to burn down the town. Literally. Not in a Las Vegas sort of way. The police stood by and watched for any TEA Party people who might have illegally crossed the border to instigate the mayhem, but otherwise did nothing but make some token arrests and apologized for the few bad apples in the peaceful demonstration for ASS and iASS. For ASS HATS [Hating America Through Socialism] do not, no, do not burn down anything. Burning down is too crass. They burn up the midnight oil, torch lighting the way, bringing light, as in the “wait to we find out what’s in it” ASS Wiper financial sector strangulation bill from the Frank & Dodd division of ASS. In many ways they burn up their good will, they burn up the civil society abounding, they torch stores of Bidenized “smart ass” businessmen, and they bring light by removing cars and buildings from this green earth. Though because Al was masseusing no carbon was spewed during the torching of this city, which made ASSHOLE happy.

They were of course complaining bitterly about globalization. So they flew in from all over the world to protest the flying in from all over the world. They protested carbon in the air by spewing carbon into the air. They protested the lack of a civil society by being uncivil. They bemoaned the use of petroleum products while throwing gasoline into buildings and cop cars. It was quite an envigorating demonstration by example of what not to do. Then they all went home and blamed George Bush, Sarah Palin and the TEA Party. For so insidious are these three that they alone stand athwart the ASSwipes and ASSholes of the world.

Of course, some Chinese Admiral, He by name, I believe, did sail out from Shanghai in the 1400s to Africa, thereby promoting Globalization. And too Columbus, Magellen, and Vasco de Gama did their part to foment the evils of globalization. And of course, Mohammed who did lead his troops to the gates of Portiers in the 750s did bring his version of globalization to France from Arabia. And of course, way back, Moses did push Globalization by leaving slavery in Egypt and claiming Israel as the Jewish State. No doubt, the sons of Pharaoh are still miffed that some fishing was impeded in the Red Sea and they’re not going to take it anymore.

The Iranian ASS, or I-ASS, not to be confused with iASS, who were not involved in the Egypt-Israel fracas are going to solve the problem by ending the Globe trotting of the Jews by killing them all right where they are. There will be the ancilliary benefit of putting this corner of the Earth off limits to further globalization through nuclearization of the sands into glass. Not quite swords into plowshares, but that misunderstanding is to be expected when you borrow an Arab-Semetic Alphabet for an Indo-European language like Farsi. The few Jews who might survive will immediately set up a glass store to sell the new baubbles, aplogize to their GOD for not being good enough Jews and promise to do better next time, and be villified by everyone else for money changing or something.

But, you know who I really blame for this globalization which ASS, iASS, the HATS and the Wipers want to protect us from by destroying it as completely as they can? I blame the Africans who first left the Rift Valley in Kenya 250,000 years ago and did befoul the continents and any caves they might have encountered so badly that we still find their garbage befouling the environment. They certainly did not clean up after themselves. And did slaughter a lot of animals. Now, who’s the latest Kenyan in this globalizing march to hit our shores? Hmm.

Why Obama himself! Chief ass-wiper-hats. Which is very ancient proto-ur-language for “I won, where’s the golf course?”

And if he’s part of the problem than how can he pick up a mop big enough to kick ASS all over this land?

I do believe we’ll need a new Thomas Crapper to make a better flushing mechanism to rid us of the ASS Wiper Hats so that America can back to not caring about soccer like we did before.

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