We Win, we lose

We Win, We Lose


Joy in Mushville, and all the little Mushvilles near and far, dabbled in the mush pit of our fair state.

Few of my fellow mush heads are not content this morning.

In our Advocate the coverage will be of such excrutiating detail that we will know which way this or that fine player was turning his head when this or that pass was thrown, and intercepted, or fumbled, that I need not go into all that here.

We win, for sure. In the game itself, and with the in-depth coverage we should expect, nay – demand, from our fine member of the fourth estate. The people’s pit bull supposedly. Investigative and down the throats of power looking for the facts and the figures to ensure that an educated Republic can make the decisions that we need must do.

And our Advocate’s coverage of Haiti? Well, they turned into a poodle, or a lap dog, or maybe it’s a chihuahua. Actually, a sea slug, now that I think of it. The paper fumbles bigger than Bret Farve on a bad leg.

Surely the news of JOY among 4.5 million Louisianians is just as important as the MISERY of 4.5 million Haitians, maybe more. But I don’t know. The Advocate tells me naught of Haiti, but the news is a veritable freight car of Saintliness. They do pretend to tell me news of Haiti. But alas, it is not news. It is … well, I don’t know what it is. Mush, that’s for sure, Mush of an Utter Purety that it is so opaque and unpalatable that is as miserable as the condition of the Haitians themselves.

What does my Advocate bring me? An attack upon the United States by a piffle pushing Italian dude. Italy’s “top disaster official” called the Haiti relief effort “pathetic”! That’s the word this miscreant used. That’s what Guido Bertolaso said about the United States, who is essentially running the relief effort, for we are the guys with the means to do so. That’s what my Advocate brought to me this morning, and paid a pretty penny to another great writer of the AP, Nicole Winfield for the attack. She who does not say where in Rome (where the article is reported from) she encountered Guido. Or if Guido sought her out. But there they were conversing for one reason or another. Oh, she does inform us – as our Advocate complicity does – that Guido is a “well respected civil protection chief.” He laments “unfortunately a need to make a ‘bella figura’ before the TV cameras rather than focus on what’s under the debris.” Where did he say it? In front of, um, TV cameras. Perhaps a news conference? Is that were Nicole met Guido? She doesn’t say.

Ah, so pathetic, without “efficacy” as the headline blares. “Italian official rips US Relief efficacy,” is the headline. I’m sure the readers of the Advocate, being graduates of Baton Rouge schools, had to go look that word up. Efficiency is a good enough synonym. Anyway, for an Italian official to talk about efficiency is rather humorous, though despicable in the context. In my time in Europe I heard many a tale of Italian, um, efficiency. Now, the Germans, they are efficient. Often too much so. And when last Italy was efficient, when Mussolini had the trains run on time or he shot the engineers, they joined with the overly efficient Germans in making much of Europe look almost exactly like Haiti does today after an Earthquake. And who put Italy back together after they purposely, willingly, efficiently reduced it to rubble much like the streets of Port Au Prince? The US did. Thank’s Guido, for talking about how inefficient we are. I guess that’s why Italy is still so inefficient. It’s George … No, just the whole country, not the usual go-to-for-blame man, Mr. Bush.

Now, Haiti is an island. Big for sure. And with a well shooken Domincan Republic right next door. The DR I’m sure is lending its handful of airports to the aid effort, and then its not so bad highways to truck the stuff in from a few hundred miles away. But still, those airports are tourist airports. They aren’t set up to handle the millions of tons of goods that are needed for the relief. So how else to get the goods there? Who has the means? Oh, yah, the US Military.

Guido, who earned his respect in the streets of Abruzzo, a small place destroyed by earthquake in central Italy, with a few thousand killed, and an intact infrastructure just a few yards away, and a fairly wealthy populace of some 58,000,000 people just outside the gates of the city done in, and a near 100% literacy rate, and with victims speaking the same langauge as rescuers, and with well functioning airports galore, and ports on both sides of the affected disaster zone, does excoriate the US Military for bringing the goods to Haiti. He says this from Rome, well positioned, some 5000 miles away, to make the assessments of the conditions in the airport that the US Military overnight built just the other day.

Now, all those goods come in on big planes. US Military Planes in fact. But Guido, he says that the effort should be run by a civilian, a top one at that. Perhaps Guido is tired of spaghetti and wants to get the job. Well, sir, there is a top notch civilian in charge, I’m told. Why, wily Bill Clinton is in charge. He’s got experience running huge things, indeed. Alas, though, he was busy being inefficient in Massachusetts as power changed hands. Guido should know about power changes. Italy, so efficient, has had 58 prime ministers in the 60 years since we rebuilt all its eggs. Not a one has served out the 5 year term he’s supposed to get, all due to the earthquake fractured like Italian political scene where votes of no confidence, not much different than Guido’s on the US, fall like blocks off a ravaged building in the aftershooks. Maybe Guido learned his “no confidence” skills in the Italian Parliament. I don’t know.

Still, the pipsqueak joins Latin American Leftist “leaders,” unnamed by Nicole, who was so busy in Rome that she was unable to procure a list, in trashing the United States. Here, the list: Chavez, Castro, Morales – the usual suspects. And what are they complaining about? Exactly too much American efficiency. So efficient these clowns say we are that Haiti is apparently to be denuded of its people and made into the US’s largest military base so that we might invade Venezuela. Such is the conundrum that the United States military faces – too efficient, complain the three stooges, not efficient enough complains Il Pagliacci (Great opera, about a clown.) So what is the US military to do? Well, I’m sure it’ll fly Guido into Haiti just as soon as he can get his butt down to Taranto at the heel of this heel’s country and catch a US military flight west. Go west young Guido.

He is audacious in pointing out that the US doesn’t “have close rapport with the territory, …” No, I guess we don’t, what with Haiti being a former French Colony whom we helped to independence, and we are not French Creole speaking except for the 400,000 or so Haitians doing not so bad in Miami, and we are not next Haiti physically, given that they are an Island. Though Puerto Rico, which is the US, is not so far. And Miami is close enough that Haitians are willing to take the boat to get there. Still, Guido in Rome, speaking Italian, and able to rely on the two or three former members of the corrupt Haitian regimes that populate the Italian Riviera, and just a tiny bit further than his co-lambaster of the United States than Chavez from the sceen of misery, well, then Guido knows Rapport like he knows Ravioli!

He goes on to say, about our efforts, “they certainly don’t have a rapport with the international organizations and aid groups.” Well, yes, such a disaster that surely Guido should relish the opportunity to fix the, um, inefficacy in our efforts. I bet he can get the US military to build the only functioning airport in Haiti in about 20 hours, rather than the 24 it took. And too, I’m sure he can command the vessels of the US Navy, comprising hospital ships, floating Walmarts, water purification plants (of the type that Burma did not allow to be used as they killed off a million or so of their citizens to help stem the flow of red ink the public health service of that model of efficient repression about which Guido did not condemn them for – for they were efficient, as Guido likes.) As efficient, too, as the Italians were in rounding up Jews to be sent to the even more efficient Germans. And Guido, in charge of disaster relief there in Rome, is right now too busy with the disasters of the former Italian colonies of Eritrea, Ethiopia and Somalia, which one of his finest past leaders, and the only recent Italian leader to die in office, brought into the fold of the efficient Italian state by bombing for a few hours and invading, raping, pillaging and stripping the land bare of resources, to tend to Haiti.

Still, with articles like this one wonders why the Advocate wonders why the youth of today don’t respect our traditions and our culture and our country. Well, sirs, it’s because you run mush like this.

Where are the facts? Layed out in the detail we know of the Saints and their win?

You know what I’m really miffed at? That the Advocate, who saw this article come over the wire, didn’t just throw it in the trash where it belongs. Yet, once having seen it, a bright editor there would send a bushy tailed Advocate intern to the internet to find out how many tons of food and material the US Military did bring in, and under what conditions, and in what time – and compare that with the aid effort by all of Europe. Don’t bother asking the super rich muslim oil states, they’re so busy hunting down cartoonists and novelists to kill that they haven’t found the time to call their Swiss bankers to extend a dollar or two. Nor have the Swiss simply seized, in a spirit of humanity which they lord over the world as a “neutral” country, the bank accounts of Baby Doc Duvalier or Jean-Betrand Aristede, and the rest of the kleptocracy that lives in the South of France, with full connivance of the very efficient French, and given that money to the relief effort. And where is the list of comparison, like Saints v. Vikings yardage and possession, of the number of ships of food that Italy is sending versus what the US has given? Does the Advocate not have the ability to defend our nation? Or Citizens! Our Humanity, in the face of this piece of rotted scungili? Maybe the Italians could use some of the wheat, rice, corn and the rest that they have to buy from us to feed their snooty selves because there’s not enough arable land in all Italy to stuff themselves with ravioli and tomato sauce (an “american” food – globalization in the good old days of rapacious Spanish fleets bringing home the sauce to the Italians.) and as is said in the Godfather by Clemenza, just after one Guido is shot, “take the canoli, Guido.”

I could go on. Really, about just this one few short inches of mush mashed in my face by my supposed advocates, giving succor to whom I will call the enemy – of reason, of logic, of history, of decency – one Guido Bertoloso, and his accomplice in knavery, Nicole Winfield, and the witting dupes up the road from my house, the Advocate itself. Basta! That’s Italian for “enough!” I know some more imprecations in Italian, having grown up in New York, where so many Italians efficienty removed themselves too during the rapacious princely era of Italy that lasted from about the year 0 until 1945, when we were done sinking the Italian fleet and blasting its airforce from the skies, and rounding up it roughians, so they could earthquake through Europe and Africa no more. I will not use them here, but you know the usual suspects.


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