Each Flake is Different

Today we are to have snow, perhaps. Here in Baton Rouge subtropic! 32 degrees and wet and rainy, the perfect gumbo for slush and sleet at least. Flurries no doubt. And if an accummulation, it will be, according to our Advocate, “the earliest recorded snow in history.” Ah, a sure sign of global warming. So true is the concept, so settled, that our unsettling snow event will be proof positive that it is all mush. That it will be an event is certainly the way the Weather Channel puts it. They just hate “storm,” or some similar perfectly fine old Anglo-Saxon word like, um, snowfall. Ba! Humbug! Warming? How about freezing in our non-Minnesota heating systems, designed here to get the chill of the 50s off our hides.

To think about it, every time Al Gore voids his corpulance into his toilet, every drop of water from his toothpasted mouth, every drop which rolls off his sweaty back after a hard day of snow jobbing the world so he can get $1,000,000,000 in grants, subsidies, tax breaks and whatnot, it rolls right past the Louisiana State Capitol Building. Yet, on to Copenhagen says our fearless Obama, for a photo op, before accepting his foreign emolument from a King who knows snow like you don’t know. How low will you bow Obama? How low? But Al? He’s cancelled his $1200 a seat hectoring lecture on global warming. Something about an inconvenient truth of utter number mush that has shocked our Advocate so much that it has yet to bring itself to utter a word as it informs us of the wholly predictable, yes, wait … “21 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS”

All CAPS in the original typography. Such a clarion warning of impending … ah, perhaps a White Christmas. Maybe Al can use the downtime of being snowed in to correct the cover of his new book on the problem he is not going to the Kingdom of Denmark to address – He apparently forget to put Cuba on a very clear map of our world. The Castro Brothers, King and Prince of the prison island, no doubt sent word through one of their acolytes in Hollywood, the actors who warm our hearts in many a violent strewn movie, to tell Gore to “Put my country back!” (In Spanish, of course, Louis XIV’s sage wisdom is “el estado es mio.” The state is me, says King Fidel.) Al might also want to flip that hurricane down near Florida he shows swirling the wrong way, and have it swirl in the direction in which exactly 100% of all the hurricanes that did not hit America this year would have swirled. It’s going the wrong way Al! Like global warming in the snowfall. You hockey puck that tries to move a hockey stick. Sit on it all, Al, it’ll warm the cockles of your heart.

Ah, but, to be proud, we have the tallest state capitol building in the land. And art deco marvel to behold, made all the more lustrous by the hiring of unemployed building carvers during the Great Depression, in a last gasp of a dying trade. Like a big finger poking up from the grave of Huey Long. With the ethically challenged state Senate and House of Representatives hunkered down in low wings on either side of the tower, like um, anatomy parts. Huey knew ethics, and he would have tought us more of his ethics if he had not been the only US Senator in history to have been shot in the state capitol building he had his own apartment in. So selfless was Huey that he lived above the store! And if you didn’t play like he wanted, he took your balls away so you could play no more.

By many names these cupped parts symbolized at the bottom of the shaft of power in our state are known. Anderson Cooper, and advocate for the citizenry in his own right, use a most lurid one to describe little old ladies who dare to demand that the hand in their pocket reach no lower, to the last ducat, while gathering in their Tea Parties. How be it here?

The Legislature, in a rather non-partisan display of a snow event “Weighs down on Ethic Board” headlines our Advocate. The people who are to be examined for their ethical treatment of citizens by the Ethics Board have now declared that for some grave matter of law they cannot be examined beyond the limits they themselves will set. No finer display of civic decency can be expressed then “Ethics? We don’t need no stinkin’ ethics.”

Meanwhile, in some district court here in town, a very ethically challenged Ralph Slaughter, recently fired president of Southern University, our “black” college in our post-racial times, was chastised by a Judge Tim Kelly for being a snow jobbing scoundrel. Judge Kelly was “shocked” to find such behavior in the state of Huey Long and Edwin Edwards and David Duke and …. a small phone book of corrupt snowmen. Our Advocate, perhaps not wanting to be as judgmental as the judge, merely said he was the “former” president. So snowlike in its gentleness the term ‘former’ is. Not nearly so harsh and biting as the wintry winds a-coming as “fired.” And fire is where this day’s edition is going, to help heat the house in our time of peril of global warming. And we should be fair to the man who Judge Kelly is reported as saying took “just about everything that wasn’t nailed down” — and our Advocate adds helpfully “and even some things that were nailed to the walls.” Ah, renovation by the hands of theives. Such is our times.

What other thievery? Why, $500,000,000,000 in Medicare thievery! If we are to believe the Democrats there is that much indeed in the $900,000,000,000 Medicare program. Which is so odd, the mush math. Let’s look: if fully more than one half is fraud, who on earth has been monitoring the ethics here? And if the fraud is say, spread out over 10 years, are they past years or future years? If the fraud happened in the past – wouldn’t you have to get restitution from the perpetrators and not from the program itself? And if the fraud is from the future ten years – why, I’m shocked that the Democrats can so carefully show exactly where that fraud is happening. Almost as if it was written into the law. And if 10 years, do they mean to say that some $50,000,000,000 a year, A YEAR! Is Fraud and Waste? If any of these scenarios of the numbers were true why would anyone on earth believe the snow job that this money will not merely be shifted to a new set of defrauders. Or to the same set using the new and improved 2000 pages of laws to set up the 100 or so new bureaucracies that are already crafting 2000 new pages of rules and regulations per agency, commission, advisory panel, bureau, division and district and who knows what else could be in the law that our Dear Senator read in such equiste penetrating detail and understanding that she was able to extract $300,000,000 of our own money to give to us! Why, if there was $50 Billion in fraud, couldn’t Mary have brought home $1,000,000,000 of that? With a billion each for the other states? Where is that other $700,000,000 Mary?

Ah, on to Oslo will go our warm president, to accept his award for peace in our time as the Iranians build nuclear facilities in a jobs program of great import in the oil rich kingdom run by a king called Ayatollah which has 25% unemployment and so many nasty tea party people of their own that they had to call out the troops to gun them down in the street. Obama said nothing of that travesty, but called for fairness and understanding of that nation equal to our own. Yes, a repressive theocracy is as “exceptional” as America is, opines our president in the company of Kings. A benefit to the Iranian taxpayer is over looked. Slaughtering folks in the streets does indeed lower public expendictures on the public option of the Iranian National Health Care System. It’s name is just as unknown to me as the name of the octopus being set up in King Harry’s health care taxation, um, Reform bill that Mary voted to “debate” even though she did not like much of it, she said. Maybe the sound of thought was muffled by the snow, which snow can do, and I missed something more rational.

Obama, meanwhile, just had a jobs summit that was the peak of a snow job. When every policy the man pushes takes money out of the hands of people who create jobs and gives it to people who do not one must wonder the motives. He brings together the do-nothings and never-hires so that they might devise more plans to extract taxes from the doers and hirers of our snowed in land.

Ah, Mary? Here’s an idea: A cool billion in fraud could simply be given back to, um “your” people. In the form of a direct and honest tax cut. So that the people whom our Advocate over the past few days said had not enough food, not enough health care, not enough jobs and not enough of good schools can take care of these things themselves with their own money. In this way, we would not have to worry about ethically challenged public servants. Nor would we worry much about the fraud in a far away city, or perhaps even right here in site of the observation deck of our illustrious home of able lawmakers. And oddly, if each Louisiana tax payer had just their own 20 page health care plan, why, we’d have far more pages than your health care plan, Mary. Let’s see: 2 million taxpayers at 20 pages a piece: that’s 40,000,000 pages that could oddly, counterintuitively, actually provide more health care more efficiently with virtually no fraud and waste to more people. And if 2000 pages is good for us, then surely 40,000,000 has got to be better, no?

Speaking of far away places, in the snowy vales of Afghanistan, one of the owners of the Outback Steakhouse chain is taking his fabled onions and other treats to feed the troops that Obama, their commander in chief, has yet to visit. Who is the better American? A corporate owner, a profit seeking devil increasing global warming by frying every food stuff in sight going off to the hinterlands of our nightmares, the land of the people hating Taliban — or our Dear Leader off to the comforts of a Royal Palace in one of the most expensive cities in the world, fueled by the oil riches of that fair kingdom which is drilled by the expertise of those evil profit mongers Exxon and Haliburton from the soon to be snowed in city of Houston Texas?

Ah, profit mongering, that’s what our First Lady, the $500 sneaker wearing, on staff hairdressing lover of the poor downtrodden says is bad. Far better to go into community organizing, unless it is to organize a tea party against her rapacious and bowing husband. Go, ye, Obama and organize the community of our soldiers in Afghanistan as a modern day Alexander the Great. Lead your troops to victory! Or announce, as you did, in a warm and fuzzy way, to the enemy that we will surrender on a date certain in the future, ignomiously as Neville Chamberlain gave away my relatives into the maw of the National Socialists of Hitler. Such is the snow, sleet and slush which falls from the mouths of our politicians and press today. Such anger I have that I am warmed over by the flushed brow of fevered discontent. I shall go drink some tea now, before I party this evening.

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1 Comment

  1. EPIC site. I’m totally looking forward to reading more articles!

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